THROUGH INTERNET KIRIMHAN CHOSE FOR YOU

Chinese Detective

2005-10-18T12:02:00.000+03:00

Sent by: Tuğrul UTKU

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous
Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities
that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.

He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.

He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.

He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree...,

not see.
No fee.

Jokes and fun

2005-10-18T11:52:00.000+03:00

Source: AECM Archieves...

Crocodile Dundee...

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australians to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous. Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, a genuine Crocodile Dundee.
He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air.
The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around. "Dundee," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?"
Crocodile Dundee replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
"Goddammit man, how do you know all that?" asked one.
Crocodile Dundee replied, "I fell out of the f ..ker about a half hour ago."

Solution for the Airlines

Replace all female flight attendants with good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues.
Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

Why accountants are important

Along with reflecting on the past century of public accounting there is a list of 24 reasons why someone would want to be a CPA (or accountant). Some of them are worth sharing, as follows.
1. We get to work the standard 70 hour week.
2. Our debits always equal are credits. (go explain that one)
3. Mom wanted us to be a rock star and this was our way to rebel.
4. The Red Sox wouldn't meet our salary demand.
5. All the free pencils we want.
6. In Scrabble, Accountant is worth 14 points while Doctor is worth only 9 and a Lawyer is 12. go figure!
7. We got to experience the five seasons, summer, winter, fall, spring & TAX! 8. A new IRS (Tax Office) form gives us the chills - MANY TIMES A FEVER TOO.
9. No other profession offers April 16th as a paid holiday.
AND LASTLY
1O. Nobody gets an Academy Award (Oscar) until we say so.

quote

"The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother."... ... Evan Esar.

MS - Internet

2005-10-18T10:56:00.000+03:00

"con" FOLDER

An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere named as "con".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable... At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened! Try it out yourself...

EarthCalendar

http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php

Ramadan The month of fasting

2005-10-16T14:00:00.000+03:00

Ramadan The month of fasting

by Holly Hartman

Source: http://www.factmonster.com/spot/ramadan1.html

For more than a billion Muslims, Ramadan is a time of prayer, fasting, and charity.
Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. Islam uses a lunar calendar—that is, each month begins with the sighting of the new moon. Because the lunar calendar is about 11 days shorter than the solar calendar used elsewhere, Islamic holidays "move" each year. In 2005 Ramadan will begin on Oct. 5.
For more than a billion Muslims around the world—including some 8 million in North America—Ramadan is a "month of blessing" marked by prayer, fasting, and charity. This year Ramadan precedes Christmas and Hanukkah. But while in many places these holidays have become widely commercialized, Ramadan retains its focus on self-sacrifice and devotion to Allah (God).

Why this Month?
Muslims believe that during the month of Ramadan, Allah revealed the first verses of the Qur'an, the holy book of Islam. Around 610 A.D., a caravan trader named Muhammad took to wandering the desert near Mecca (in today's Saudi Arabia) while thinking about his faith. One night a voice called to him from the night sky. It was the angel Gabriel, who told Muhammad he had been chosen to receive the word of Allah. In the days that followed, Muhammad found himself speaking the verses that would be transcribed as the Qur'an.
At many mosques during Ramadan, about one thirtieth of the Qur'an is recited each night in prayers known as tarawih. In this way, by the end of the month the complete scripture will have been recited.

Fasting
Muslims practice sawm, or fasting, for the entire month of Ramadan. This means that they may eat or drink nothing, including water, while the sun shines. Fasting is one of the Five Pillars (duties) of Islam. As with other Islamic duties, all able Muslims take part in sawm from about age twelve.
During Ramadan in the Muslim world, most restaurants are closed during the daylight hours. Families get up early for suhoor, a meal eaten before the sun rises. After the sun sets, the fast is broken with a meal known as iftar. Iftar usually begins with dates and sweet drinks that provide a quick energy boost.
Fasting serves many purposes. While they are hungry and thirsty, Muslims are reminded of the suffering of the poor. Fasting is also an opportunity to practice self-control and to cleanse the body and mind. And in this most sacred month, fasting helps Muslims feel the peace that comes from spiritual devotion as well as kinship with fellow believers.

Eid al-Fitr
Ramadan ends with the festival of Eid al-Fitr, which in 2005 occurs on November 4. Literally the "Festival of Breaking the Fast," Eid al-Fitr is one of the two most important Islamic celebrations (the other occurs after the Hajj, or pilgrimage to Mecca). At Eid al-Fitr people dress in their finest clothes, adorn their homes with lights and decorations, give treats to children, and enjoy visits with friends and family.
A sense of generosity and gratitude colors these festivities. Although charity and good deeds are always important in Islam, they have special significance at the end of Ramadan. As the month draws to a close, Muslims are obligated to share their blessings by feeding the poor and making contributions to mosques.

EXTERNAL LINKS
Islamic Studies, University of Georgia http://www.arches.uga.edu/~godlas/home.html
Religion: Islam—Understanding Islam http://www.beliefnet.com/index/index_40118.html
Religious Tolerance.org http://www.religioustolerance.org/islam.htm
University: U.S.—Islamic Issues: Council on American—Islamic Relations http://www.cair-net.org/

For more on Islamic history and culture, see the Islam Primer ;
http://www.factmonster.com/spot/islam.html

funny

2005-10-15T22:58:00.000+03:00

(Sent by : Marek PENZO)

funny

(((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul "

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down

on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout

to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh no!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared

and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it.He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??.....Is this 486-5731?

'Isn't There Anyone' to Help Pakistan?

2005-10-13T01:26:00.000+03:00

'Isn't There Anyone' to Help Pakistan?
Published: Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Source:zaman.com

As the entire world rushes to help Pakistan recover following the major earthquake measuring 7.6 in magnitude, non-government organizations (NGOs) in Turkey have also sped up their relief efforts. “Kimse Yok mu” (Isn’t There Anyone) Foundation known for its aid campaigns for the poor in Turkey made the call for Pakistan: “Isn’t there anyone to help?” Officials from the Foundation said they have launched a relief fund with the permission of Turkish Interior Ministry and promised that donations collected would be forwarded to aid disaster victims as soon as possible. The Foundation launched its first international relief effort following the tsunami disaster in South Asia. Kimse Yok mu Foundation head Mehmet Ozkara said they would like to collect cash donations that can be made into bank accounts in order to reach the earthquake-hit area in the shortest possible time. Their teams in the disaster struck regions have been informing them about urgent needs he informed. “We shall obtain a list of the needs from the places closest to the quake hit region.” Indicating that transporting donations of food and basic goods to the disaster area is expensive and leads to lost time, Ozkara said obtaining the most urgent basic needs from in and around Pakistan would be easier to transport to the earthquake hit regions. Following are bank account numbers accepting donations on behalf of the Foundation for Pakistan: Asya Finans Umraniye Branch: New Turkish lira (YTL): 21- 214177 - 20. Dollar: 21 - 214177 - 21. Euro: 21 - 214177 - 22. Is Bankasi (Bank) Umraniye Branch: YTL: 1060 - 1434862. Dollar: 1060 - 1252342. Euro: 1060 - 1252357 Ziraat Bankasi (Bank) Uskudar Branch: YTL: 403 - 5382203 - 5006. Dollar: 403 - 5382203 - 5007. Euro: 403 - 5382203 - 5008.

Attila Ilhan.....

2005-10-13T01:22:00.000+03:00

Turkish Author Attila Ilhan Passes Away

ISTANBUL - Prominent Turkish author and poet Attila Ilhan, who passed away last night in Istanbul at the age of 80, served Turkish literature more than 50 years. Ilhan was born in Menemen town of western city of Izmir in 1925. He stayed in prison for 2 months for his letters about Turkish poet Nazim Hikmet in 1941. He attended school again in Istanbul Isik College in 1944. Ilhan won a prize with his poem ''Cebbaroglu Mehemmed'' while he was studying third and last grade in college. He published his first poem book 'Duvar' (The Wall) in 1948. In 1949, while he was in Istanbul University Law Faculty, he went to Paris to support 'operation to rescue Nazim Hikmet'. He left the university in senior year when he became journalist. In 1953, he wrote critics on cinema in Vatan newspaper. He moved to Ankara when he became adviser to Bilgi Publishing House in 1973. He lived in Ankara until 1981 and then he moved to Istanbul. He worked at Milliyet, Gunes and Meydan newspapers as well as Gelisim Press. Ilhan worked at Cumhuriyet newspaper as a columnist since 1996

Source: http://www.turkishpress.com/ Published: 10/11/2005

ISTANBUL ' S beauties....

2005-10-13T01:16:00.000+03:00

A Definition and a Quote

2005-10-10T23:58:00.000+03:00

Management in 16 words

Urgent & important: you do

Urgent & unimportant : you delegate

Important & non-urgent: you schedule

Non-urgent & Unimportant: you ignore

"Real jazz has always been a man telling the truth about himself."

Quincy Jones

Teachers and Students

2005-10-10T23:46:00.000+03:00

Teachers and Students (Send By: Atilla ÖZYEĞEN)

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

___________
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

_________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

_____________________
TEACHER: Guss, why do you always get so dirty?
GUSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_____________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

__________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

At Night

2005-10-07T21:58:00.000+03:00

Do you know what happens
when you shut-down your PC?

Click-http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.swf

Quote of the Day

2005-10-07T21:47:00.000+03:00

Quote of the Day

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce
the complete works of Shakespeare;
now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky

Source:GOOGLE

Websites for you....

2005-10-07T21:24:00.000+03:00






Today’s Front Page                                                                   
This web site gives you access to
443 newspapers front pages from
42 countries in the world.
It can be interesting if you are
working on comparing approaches
to events in different countries
and also the way the press deals
with or manipulates information.

http://www.newseum.org/
todaysfrontpages/flash/

What Has Europe Done for Us?

In times of trouble, people talk and think a
lot about Europe.
This small web site is only in English
(written and sound).
Three characters try to give their view
and answer the question
what has Europe ever done for us?.

http://www.whathaseuropedone.org/

The Nobel Prize Web Site

The Nobel Prize an international award
given yearly since 1901 for achievements
in physics, chemistry, medicine,

literature and for peace. In 1968, the
Bank of Sweden instituted the Prize in
Economic Sciences in Memory of
Alfred Nobel, founder of the Nobel Prize.

The Prize Winners are announced in
October every year.  
The web site offers information and articles
about the winners in all categories.
A large part of the content isdedicated to
education and teachers.

Peace

http://nobelprize.org/peace/educational/index.html

Literature

http://nobelprize.org/literature/educational/index.html

Economics

http://nobelprize.org/economics/educational/index.html

Who cares about Europe ?

2005-10-07T16:08:00.000+03:00

Note : To read easily, right click on the image.Than click to
"Open Link Target in IE " and zoom.

A Guide to Life

2005-10-05T03:34:00.000+03:00

If life came with a user’s manual, it might look something like this:
1. You have received a body. It will be yours for the duration of your stay this time around. You may or may not like it, but it is yours.
2. Pay attention to the lessons to be learned. You are enrolled in a school that is full time and informal – it is called life. In your school, you will have chances to learn lessons. You are free to like the lessons or think that they are very stupid.
3. Keep in mind that there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned. You will be involved with a process of trial and error, and this process will, with luck, insight growth. The “failures” you experience will be as much a part of your process as the parts of your life that “succeed.”
4. You will repeat the same lesson, in its various forms, until it is learned. Then you will be free to go on to the next lesson.
5. Your learning in life is never over. As long as you are alive, there are lessons to be learned. There is no part of life that does not contain a lesson for you.
6. Places other than where you are will always look better to you, but this is a trick of the mind. It is never better to be other than what and where you are at the time. But it will always feel like you should be someplace else or something else in order to find “happiness.”
7. Your fellow beings are merely reflections of you. Whatever you love or hate about them is exactly what you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of life is up to you. You have everything you need to live life. What you do and how you live is up to you.
9. The answers to life’s questions are within you. You just need to listen and trust your inner knowledge.
10. You will forget that you have been told all of this
Source: http://www.trainingbuz.com/

WEBSITES FOR YOU

2005-10-04T11:27:00.000+03:00

3 websites related with Sharing,Humanity and Communication......

www.bookcrossing.com

www.phototag.org

www.wheresgeorge.com

Definition of Economics and Economist Jokes…

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
Economist Jokes --- http://netec.mcc.ac.uk/JokEc.html

Bad Boss –

Do you (or does someone you know) work for a boss who is a bully, invades your privacy, and is incompetent, a narcissist, or demeaning? We may not be able to change him or her, but here is a resource that may offer some coping strategies. http://www.badbossology.com

OSHO

2005-09-28T09:16:00.000+03:00

Biography

Born in Kuchwada, Madhya Pradesh, India on December 11, 1931. His parents gave him the name Rajneesh Chandra Mohan and raised him as a Jain. When he was seven, his grandfather died with his head in Osho's lap while riding to the doctor in a bullock cart. Osho became enlightened at 21 and graduated at about the same time from the University of Saugar with first-class honors in philosophy. While a student, he won the All-India Debating Championship. He was a professor of philosophy at the University of Jabalpur for nine years. In 1966, he left his teaching post and established an ashram in Bombay. In 1974, he left Bombay and established an ashram in Poona. In 1981, he moved to the United States and established an ashram in Oregon. In 1986 he was deported from the United States for violations of immigration law (to which he pleaded no contest) and returned to Poona. He died on January 19, 1990.

For more information : www.osho.com

Quotas

2005-09-28T09:12:00.000+03:00

Donald Rumsfeld's famous quotation

"Reports that say something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know."

"I had the ambition to not only go farther than man had gone before, but to go as far as it was possible to go." Captain James Cook, explorer.

Source: Corporate Coach Newsletter

American Politics...)))

2005-09-27T17:46:00.000+03:00

(Sender:Timuçin ÖNOĞUR)

Various Information....

2005-09-26T07:51:00.000+03:00

Source :Bob Jensen’s tidbits-(AECM Archieves)

Handbook for bloggers and cyber-dissidents

Blogs get people excited. Or else they disturb and worry them. Some people distrust them. Others see them as the vanguard of a new information revolution. Because they allow and encourage ordinary people to speak up, they’re tremendous tools of freedom of expression.
Bloggers are often the only real journalists in countries where the mainstream media is censored or under pressure. Only they provide independent news, at the risk of displeasing the government and sometimes courting arrest.
Reporters Without Borders has produced this handbook to help them, with handy tips and technical advice on how to to remain anonymous and to get round censorship, by choosing the most suitable method for each situation. It also explains how to set up and make the most of a blog, to publicise it (getting it picked up efficiently by search-engines) and to establish its credibility through observing basic ethical and journalistic principles.

Handbook for bloggers and cyber-dissidents

Click here to download the handbook (1,6 Mo) :

http://www.rsf.org/IMG/pdf/handbook_bloggers_cyberdissidents-GB.pdf?PHPSESSID
=60a7952ff68dc937b669916ad98db4f0

Move your mouse around and experience the dynamic panorama (free Quicktime required)
At panoramas.dk you can see interactive 360 degree panoramas also called VR Photography by some of the best VR Photographers in the world. They are presented in Fullscreen and you need Quicktime New panoramas are presented weekly. Scroll down for the last features. The Archive contains more than 160 panoramas from all the world.
Never seen a fullscreen 360 degree QTVR panorama before? Just click on the image to see the featured panorama this week. Panorams.dk --- http://www.panoramas.dk/

Panoramic photographs in Virtual Sweden --- http://www.virtualsweden.se/

Exploratorium: Science of Gardening --- http://www.exploratorium.edu/gardening/index.html

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Rita....

2005-09-24T23:00:00.000+03:00

Our thoughts go out to our readers, family, friends and all in the path of Hurricane Rita. Our thoughts are with you all. May you all come through the next few days safe and sound. We remind all readers that you can support the victims of Hurricane Katrina and Rita via numerous charities. Please visit http://www.usafreedomcorps.gov/ to see how you can assist.

(Source: AccountIngEducatIon.com's Double Entrıes)

Jokes....

2005-09-23T11:39:00.000+03:00

One Flaw in Women

By the time God made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And God answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." But I won't," God protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.

She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft." "She is soft," God agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. God replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," God corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. God said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Physicians giving their opinions when they vote

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on the new hospital issue, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians stated that they were labouring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the paediatricians said, "Grow up!" the psychiatrists thought it was madness; the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the radiologists could see right through it! The internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow but the plastic surgeon said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to some a__hole who didn't give a crap.

I'm beginning to know the feeling

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid,
not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn't
apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Source:Bob Jensen’s tidbits-(AECM Archieves)

Surf.....

2005-09-23T11:36:00.000+03:00

Comparison Shopping - http://www.bizrate.com/

Habitat for Humanity - http://www.habitat.org

Baen Free Library - http://www.baen.com/library/

Emily Dickenson Electronic Archives http://www.emilydickinson.org/

(Source:Bob Jensen’s tidbits-(AECM Archieves)

For speed lovers,Surfing and Advices

2005-09-22T13:07:00.000+03:00












(Source: Bob Jensen s Tidbits - AECM Archieves):
Mailinator Spam Map

http://www.mailinator.com/mailinator/map.html

This has to be the coolest Google Maps hack, ever. 
The map is interesting, but having throwaway
mail accounts available can come in hand.

Nicely done!

For Cat Lovers Only                                             
(not me)
--- http://catsinsinks.com/


New search tool from Google:                                                                                                                
This one may be of particular interest to virtually
all of you.  Putting order into the wild
west of the blogosphere

Google's blog search page is at
http://blogsearch.google.com/

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

01. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s___.
02. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
03. How about never? Is never good for you?
04. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
05. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see things my way.
06. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
07. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
08. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
09. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh . . I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I have plenty of talent without adoor.
12. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
13. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
14. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
15. Chaos, panic, and disorder --- my work here is done.
16. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

A Quote and about People.....

2005-09-21T15:36:00.000+03:00

(Source:Corporate Coach Newsletter)

One of Sod's Law quotes.
(from John Corcoran )

"All the papers that you save will never really be needed
until such time as they are disposed of,
when they will become essential."

People Learn What They Live

If people live with criticism They learn to condemn
If people live with hostility They learn to fight
If people live with ridicule They learn to be shy
If people live with shame They learn to feel guilty
If people live with tolerance They learn to feel confident
If people live with encouragement They learn to feel confident
If people live with praise They learn to appreciate
If people live with fairness They learn justice
If people live with security They learn to have faith
If people live with approval They learn self-esteem
If people live with acceptance and belonging
They learn to find the best in themselves and others.

(Sender: Ayhan SUREK)

Ladies Kitchen.......

2005-09-20T12:52:00.000+03:00

Comics.. (Send by: Ayhan SÜREK)

2005-09-20T12:45:00.000+03:00

You Know You're Getting Old When...

2005-09-19T21:32:00.000+03:00

(Sender: KEMAL ERPUL )

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You answer a question with "Because I said so!"
You send money to PBS.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word equity means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.

An Interesting book Review and EU/Turkey Relations

2005-09-15T14:27:00.000+03:00

(Send by :Kemal GÜR )

An Islamic Europe?

August 28, 2005 - Washington Times
EURABIA: THE EURO-ARAB AXIS By Bat Ye'or Fairleigh Dickinson, $23.95, 270 pages
REVIEWED BY JULIA DUIN

In Europe, the cathedrals are empty and the mosques are full. One reason the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI this spring is because the 115 cardinals who gathered in Rome saw Europe's rechristianization as their top priority. They wanted a man who could not only fight the Islamic and secularist tides sweeping the continent, they needed a candidate who understood the profound hostility both cultures have toward a Christian Europe.
Hostility? Yes, says Bat Ye'or, a scholar living in Switzerland, who says the battle of Tours, where Charles Martel and the Franks in 732 turned back the Muslim armies, is being refought. This time, says the author, who has written three previous books on conditions of Christians and Jews living in Islamic countries, Muslims will suceed in Islamicizing Europe, with immense consequences for the United States. Despite diplomatic niceties, Christians and Jews are -- and always will be -- considered as infidels for refusing Islam's truth, writes Ms. Ye'or. As Muslim immigrants pour into Europe, what is emerging, in her view, "is a new Eurabian culture with its own dogma, preachers, axioms and rules."
Listing an array of conferences, speeches and documents from Islamic groups intent on forming Europe into an Islamic state, the author documents several trends to support her thesis:
-- Middle Eastern Muslims in search of jobs and greater political freedom have immigrated to Europe in droves, particularly France, which is now eight percent Muslim.
-- The Muslim influx has brought a rising anti-Semitism. The year 2001 was in Europe a time of record assaults on Jews, she says; the term "Jew" has become the all-purpose insult in parts of France, and the Holocaust is increasingly being denied.
-- The Crusades are being repackaged to become a tale of Islamic victimization at the hands of barbaric Christian Europeans. Histories of the Crusades, she adds, tend to leave out how Muslims swept through Christianized lands from Persia to Spain within the space of about 100 years, engulfing Syria, Lebanon, Sicily, much of Turkey and Palestine, not to mention all of northern Africa.
Nearly 10 centuries later, Europeans are witnessing the unwitting Islamicization of their own continent and today, "at the dawn of the 21st century," writes Ms. Ye'or, "a conflict of civilizations is reemerging on European soil in the context of Islamic immigration." She doesn't cite specific figures but a December 2004 Pew Forum, "Muslims and the Future of Europe," points out the number of Muslims in Europe has tripled in the past 30 years and that Islam is now the continent's fastest-growing religion.
To date, 23 million Muslims comprise five percent of Europe's 425 million residents, but with Muslim immigrants having a birthrate three times their European neighbors, it will double to 10 percent by 2020. The future, says Bat Ye'or, will look like her Jewish childhood in Muslim Egypt, where she experienced how Muslims deal with religious minorities. With the exception of Turkey, majority Muslim countries do not separate mosque and state; therefore life as a Christian, Jew, Hindu or nonbeliever in such lands is a second-class existence at best.
What she finds indefensible are Christian theologians who do not grasp that in Islamic eyes, Christianity is a perversion of the original religion handed down by Allah which is, of course, Islam. She finds the new European constitution, which leaves out mention Christianity as the founding religion of the continent, as one more sign of the emptying of the public square.
In old Europe's place will be "Eurabia," a federation of majority Islamic republics backed by the Euro and arrayed against the United States and Israel. With a rise in anti-Americanism, fanned into flames in the 1960s by France's Charles de Gaulle and a corresponding hatred of Israel in Europe, her scenario is that it wouldn't take much to re-ignite anti-Semitism there. Already, she writes, Paris, with its Islamic ghettos, competes with Vienna as being the most anti-Semitic city in Europe. Europeans have sought out Arab and Palestinian alliances in reaction to the U.S.-Israel axis and because of their dependence on Middle Eastern oil. Joint Euro-Arab cultural centers have sprung up in European cities to teach the Arabic language and Islamic culture.
One factor hindering Europeans from understanding their Islamic future, she points out, is ignorance of their own history. For instance, the Iberian peninsula was overrun by Arab armies from 710-716 AD. Toledo, which was conquered during this period, revolted in 713 and its notables rewarded by having their throats slit. Inhabitants of Toledo, Cordova and Merida all revolted during the early ninth century and were met with executions and crucifixions. Seville revolted in 891 and its inhabitants were massacred. In 1066, 3,000 Jews were killed in Granada. Yet today, the author says, this 700-year conquest has been recast as "Andalusia," an idyllic concept among academics of peaceful Muslim-Jewish-Christian coexistence during those centuries.
Bat Ye'or does not claim objectivity but she does say her read of history is accurate, but largely ignored. Thus she wrote the book in English (her earlier works were translated from French) in hope of interesting Americans who experienced September 11. American readers might find her history of Euro-Arab cooperation as a pretty dense read but they may agree that a religious tsunami is approaching Europe and its inhabitants need to be warned. Not only have European leaders allowed the political and cultural subversion of an entire continent, the author believes, but Christian leaders have tolerated religious rivalries among themselves that have benefited Muslims. Secular leaders, eager to shed the last remains of Christendom, have followed along. So that now, "A conflict of civilizations is reemerging on European soil," she warns, but "western politicians choose to circumvent, rather than confront it."
Julia Duin is chief religion writer for The Washington Times.

Anchoring Ankara
Leader
Friday September 9, 2005
The Guardian

Europeans, or more precisely the EU member states, voted for Turkey last Christmas when they solemnly promised to start long-awaited negotiations with Turkey on its membership of the club. The date they gave was October 3 2005, now less than a month away, and there is a whiff of panic in the air that maybe, after all the fuss, this may not happen. Turkey, long a trusted member of Nato, thought its European "vocation" had been finally and definitively recognised in 2003, when the then 15-member EU was finalising its historic 10-country enlargement. But anti-Turkish feeling in several countries and last summer's rejection of the union's new constitution in France and the Netherlands have created grave doubts. Thus yesterday's warning by Jack Straw, in the hot seat of the EU presidency, that it is vital to stick to that solemn promise, even if, as expected, the actual negotiations take many years.

The biggest problem is the ever-tangled question of Cyprus, one of last May's newcomers. It had been hoped that UN efforts to reunite the island would bear fruit before it joined. Since they did not (though more because of the Greek than the Turkish side), and Ankara is refusing to recognise the Nicosia government, the start of accession talks is in jeopardy. France has been very negative. But there is a bigger obstacle looming in Germany, assuming Angela Merkel's CDU wins this month's election. Ms Merkel wants Turkey to be offered only a "privileged partnership," not the full membership that has awaited all other candidates at the end of their negotiations. To offer something different exclusively for Turkey would seem to prove the resentful charge that the EU is a "Christian club" that cannot accommodate the world's only secular Muslim democracy - and risk a dangerous backlash. It bears repeating that the magnet of EU membership has already generated huge advances under the conservative government of Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Torture has been banned; there are now Kurdish language broadcasts and the grip of the military has been weakened. It is thus regrettable - and a gift to Turkey's enemies - that at this delicate moment the renowned novelist Orhan Pamuk is facing Ataturk-era charges of "belittling Turkishness" over his brave comments about the Armenian genocide of 1915. Countries that join the EU must be able to confront their own past, and respect free speech. Still, Mr Straw is right. The talks must begin on schedule. Any delay would be a betrayal of trust that could weaken Europe's battered credibility, and damage Turkey's reforms.

Press any Key

2005-09-15T13:36:00.000+03:00

(Sender: Enver ÜÇÜNCÜOĞLU )

(Sender: Kemal GÜR)

2005-09-12T13:06:00.000+03:00

Warnings and an useful WEB page....(Source: AECM Archieves)

2005-09-12T12:55:00.000+03:00

Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs.
George Chapman

De Lotto warns against a large Lottery scam.

In an e-mail (or letter), which is written in bad English, the addressee is told that he/she has won a large amount of money in a lottery. When the ‘lottery’ is contacted, it turns out that the prize can only be collected if a payment is made of thousands of dollars/euros for ‘handling fees’. Obviously the prize is never paid out. The organization behind the fraud operates under different names, often derived from well known lotteries. For example: Lucky Day Lottery, De Lotto Netherlands, Interlotto, Oy Keikkaus Switzerland, El Gordo de la Primitiva and Global Trust Lottery.

The police and the Ministry of Justice have been informed about the fraud. Nevertheless, it is hard to stop the malpractices. The criminals give false addresses, and cannot be traced via the stated telephone numbers, e-mail addresses and P.O. Boxes. Neither do they have permanent addresses and moreover, they change their identity regularly.

If you should receive such an e-mail, do not respond in any way, do not provide these people with any personal identity information and do not pay any money!

Nigerian Scams Spin Katrina ---

http://www.informationweek.com/story/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=170701243
In one scheme, the writer claims to be a Mexican national working on a rescue team in New Orleans in need of money.

Phishing for Katrina dollars and credit card information

A Missouri federal judge signed a temporary restraining order against Frank Weltner, 64, of St. Louis, Mo., that prohibits him from accepting donations through the slew of Web sites he registered with names like www.donate-katrina.com, www.clergydonations.com, and www.internetdonations.org.
"Missouri Attorney General To Sue Katrina Phisher," The Washington Post, September 7, 2005 --- http://blogs.washingtonpost.com/securityfix/

One stop package tracking (UPS, FedEx, USPS, and many others) ---

http://www.packtrack.com/

How Poor are You? (Sender:Marek PENZO)

2005-09-09T18:31:00.000+03:00

Perspective is Everything

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
"Life is too short and friends are too few."
Have the best day ever!

Illusion (Sender: Hüseyin EFE)

2005-09-09T18:28:00.000+03:00

CFO....

2005-09-07T07:41:00.000+03:00

If you have worked in the corporate world for any length of time, you have encountered at least one important project that was never implemented because you couldn't get the money. Usually, it is the finance organization that is the "gatekeeper" to the corporate treasury. The most successful corporate architects have learned to get the money they need by using some of the 10 concepts presented below:

1. To a financial officer, EVERYTHING is financial
2. Learn the CFO's language
3. Learn where you fit in the CFO's frame of reference
4. Learn the time value of money
5. If it's an expense, eliminate it. If you can't eliminate it, minimize it
6. If it's an investment, maximize the return on it
7. Cash is king
8. Hedge all risks
9. Don't ignore politics
10. Emphasize the corporation's welfare, not one division's.

Source:Publications
"How to Talk to a CFO" Concepts, Strategies,and One or Two Equations
Thomas McCune, AIA, MBA CEO/Senior Consultant
P.S. Iam stating that all these are true with my own 34 years of experience.
Kırımhan Akıncı.

Insurance and New Economy Defitions

2005-09-07T07:28:00.000+03:00

About extraordinary and exceptional items, and how Insurance Companies were defining them out of existence;

If a Martian space ship lands on your factory, demolishing it and then preventing rebuilding for a long time whilst inter-galactic negotiations take place ... I think you will find that our definition makes that 'exceptional' but still not 'extraordinary'. Hurricanes and tornadoes are ordinary and recurring, although they are absolutely traumatic and often exceptional.

Here are some revised financial definitions based upon the language of our New Economy.

CEO - Chief Embezzlement officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
NAV - Normal Anderson Valuation.
P/E - Parole Entitlement.
EPS - Eventual Prison Sentence.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
DEBIT - Earnings before irregularities and tampering.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
"BUY, BUY"- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God.

Source:AECM(Accounting Education Using Computers and Multimedia) Archieves

74. Izmir International Fair

2005-09-06T12:21:00.000+03:00

International Fair (IIF); In accordance with the rapid and dramatic developments in Turkish economy, IIF has been organising various national and international specialized fairs for years. IIF also made great contributions to Izmir s social and cultural life with its fair ground, open-air theatre, Painting and Sculpture Museum, art centers, amusement park, zoo and parachute tower.
Another property of Izmir, one of Turkey's most important tourism and business centres, is a reputation of being the city of fairs. The Culture-Park Fair ground with its 421.000 m2 of greenery is situated in the town centre and it is location of the many fairs and other business and trade activities organized on the area ,in Izmir.
Place :Kültürpark Fuar Alanı - İZMİR FAIR CALENDAR DATES : 08–18 September 2005 VISITING HOURS : 17:00 -23:00 (weekdays) 17:00 -24:00 (weekend)
OFFICIAL INAUGURATION : 08 September 2005
Links for more information : http://www.izmirfair.com.tr/english/74.ief01.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Izmir

English is Crazy

2005-09-05T10:42:00.000+03:00

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese... One blouse, 2 blice?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a "slim chance" and a "fat chance" be the same, while a "wise man" and "wise guy" are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while "quite a lot" and "quite a few" are alike? How can the weather be
"hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who
was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who are spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault, the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
Source: Jokes.
The Procrastinator's Aid.

Best wishes and Calling for donation...

2005-09-02T12:43:00.000+03:00

A military helicopter makes a food and water drop in New Orleans. (AP)

I send my best wishes to all the people in the Southern USA affected by the Hurricane there this last week.
I also strongly encourage all who are in a position to do so, to consider making an appropriate donation, either in cash or kind.
A list of organisations accepting donations or volunteers is available on the FEMA website.
http://www.fema.gov/press/2005/katrinadonations.shtm

Friendship

2005-09-02T09:16:00.000+03:00

Source: Photo (Seher EKE) ,Writing (Okyay BAGDAT)
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up onyou
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality

Some thoughts on Friendship:

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things." -
Author Unknown

"Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty." -
Sicilian Proverb

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
- Henri Nouwen

"The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
- Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927

Two interesting Blogs

2005-09-01T10:17:00.000+03:00

Source: http://buzz.blogger.com/

The Revolution Will Be Pencilized

Pencil Revolution is a blog about pencils. "Wooden wisdom." Nice. I like the list of famous pencil users including Leonardo da Vinci, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, Francis Scott Key, John Steinbeck, Henry David Thoreau, and Vincent Van Gogh. Impressive.
http://www.pencilrevolution.com/

Communication Nation:

http://communicationnation.blogspot.com/
"Communication is one of the most important skills anyone can have, in business and in life. As individuals and as a species, I believe we will be both happier and more productive if we can improve our ability to communicate. This blog is dedicated to that effort."

3 GOOD SAYINGS and 2 INTERESTING NEWS

2005-08-31T10:10:00.000+03:00

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper."
Robert Frost

No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
Terry Pratchett

Theory without practice is pointless. Practice without theory is mindless.

Check out a library person in Sweden: This is not a Swedish joke

If you find yourself in Malmo, Sweden, and happen to see a homosexual, an imam and a gypsy walk into a bar, it's not a joke. These are just some of the people who can be borrowed -- yes, borrowed -- from the local library for a 45-minute chat in a nearby pub as part of an effort to fight discrimination.
"Not a Swedish Joke," The Wall Street Journal, August 25, 2005; Page A8 ---
Comment: In Japan there was, and maybe still is, a service that rents a functional family. Grandparents or possibly parents of adult children who cannot, for whatever reason, have a happy outing with their own family may rent a family complete with grandchildren.

BSU Women's Center Distributes Vagina-Shaped Candy
Source: http://www2.kbcitv.com
August 19,2005
By Jeff Ray BOISE -

They might taste good, but some BSU students think the vagina-shaped, white chocolate candy that the school's women's center is distributing is in poor taste. "That's almost to the point of being degrading to a woman's body in my opinion," says business student Vicki Johnson.
Representatives from the women's center distributed the candy this week during a meeting for freshman honors students. But the center has actually been distributing the candy for six years now, and during that time the center says it's received plenty of criticism.
The center's interim coordinator Autumn Haynes thinks that criticism is okay because it gets people talking. "We want to dispel that myth that it's not okay to talk about 'down there.' Many times young girls, particularly in our society, are raised with the belief that they have to fit a certain kind of body type and that it's not okay to feel comfortable about their sexuality, and our mission is really to dispel that myth so that women can feel comfortable about their bodies," Haynes says.

The center says it distributes the candy to promote the annual production of a play called, "The Vagina Monologues." It's based on the stories of hundreds of women and billed as giving "an honest account of their lives." The center says ticket revenue pays for the candy and no taxpayer funds or student fees are used.
Other students say they're not offended by the candy. "But I wouldn't eat one," says Jennifer Gillmore.
"(They're) just trying to get attention more than anything. That's what I honestly think it's all about, get publicity," said Tad Dunavan.
On that point the women's center would probably agree. They want publicity for their message - a message about women's sexuality delivered without any sugar coating.

ADVISED WEB PAGES

2005-08-31T10:01:00.000+03:00

A free way to send up to a 1 Gb huge file by email
This is a good way to send video and audio files! --- http://www.yousendit.com/
I love the YouSendIt service that does not require zip or any form of file compression. You can learn how to use YouSendIt in less than a minute.All you have to do is provide the recipient's email address and the file on your computer that you want to send. You do not even have to supply your own name or your own email address. The recipient then receives a message that he/she has seven days in to download the file. YouSendIt will not store the file beyond seven days.

Power in Pee:
The beer industry will love this one
Physicists in Singapore have succeeded in creating the first paper battery that generates electricity from urine. This new battery will be the perfect power source for cheap, disposable healthcare test-kits for diseases such as diabetes, and could even be used in emergency situations to power a cell phone.
"Urine-Powered Batteries Developed for Cell Phones," Mobiledia, August 16, 2005 --- http://www.mobiledia.com/news/34588.html

Book of Clichés ---

http://utopia.knoware.nl/users/sybev/cliche/
(Phrases to say in times of trouble ...repeat until you believe them)

MindZone -

A great mental health site for teens --- http://www.copecaredeal.org/

Taken partly from the BELOIT COLLEGE MINDSET LIST® FOR THE CLASS OF 2009

2005-08-31T09:52:00.000+03:00

Most students entering college this fall were born in 1987.
1. Andy Warhol, Liberace, Jackie Gleason, and Lee Marvin have always been dead.
2. They don't remember when "cut and paste" involved scissors.
3. Heart-lung transplants have always been possible.
4. With little need to practice, most of them do not know how to tie a tie.
5. Pay-Per-View television has always been an option.
6. They never had the fun of being thrown into the back of a station wagon with six others.
7. Iran and Iraq have never been at war with each other.
8. Philip Morris has always owned Kraft Foods.
9. Al-Qaida has always existed with Osama bin Laden at its head.
10. They learned to count with Lotus 1-2-3.
11. Car stereos have always rivaled home component systems.
12. Voice mail has always been available.
13. "Whatever" is not part of a question but an expression of sullen rebuke.
14. The federal budget has always been more than a trillion dollars.
15. Condoms have always been advertised on television.
16. They may have fallen asleep playing with their Gameboys in the crib.
17. They have always had the right to burn the flag.
18. For daily caffeine emergencies, Starbucks has always been around the corner.
19. Ferdinand Marcos has never been in charge of the Philippines.
20. Money put in their savings account the year they were born earned almost 7% interest.
21. Bill Gates has always been worth at least a billion dollars.
22. Dirty dancing has always been acceptable.
23. Michael Jackson has always been bad, and greed has always been good.
24. The Starship Enterprise has always looked dated.
25. Pixar has always existed.
26. Aretha Franklin has always been in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
27. Police have always been able to search garbage without a search warrant.
28. It has always been possible to walk from England to mainland Europe on dry land.
29. They have grown up in a single superpower world.
30. Scientists have always been able to see supernovas.
31. Les Miserables has always been on stage.
32. Halogen lights have always been available at home, with a warning.
33. There has always been a pyramid in front of the Louvre in Paris.
34. British Airways has always been privately owned.
35. Irradiated food has always been available but controversial.
36. Snowboarding has always been a popular winter pastime.
37. Libraries have always been the best centers for computer technology and access to good software.
38. Biosphere 2 has always been trying to create a revolution in the life sciences.
39. The Hubble Telescope has always been focused on new frontiers.
40. Researchers have always been looking for stem cells.
41. They do not remember "a kinder and gentler nation."
42. They never saw the shuttle Challenger fly.
43. The TV networks have always had cable partners.
44. Airports have always had upscale shops and restaurants.
45. Black Americans have always been known as African-Americans.
46. Salman Rushdie has always been watching over his shoulder.
47. Digital cameras have always existed.
48. Time Life and Warner Communications have always been joined.
49. CNBC has always been on the air.
50. Entertainment Weekly has always been on the newsstand.
51. Lyme Disease has always been a ticking concern in the woods.
52. Jimmy Carter has always been an elder statesman.
53. Miss Piggy and Kermit have always dwelt in Disneyland.
54. America's Funniest Home Videos has always been on television.
55. Their nervous new parents heard C. Everett Koop proclaim nicotine as addictive as heroin.
56. Lever has always been looking for 2000 parts to clean.
57. They have always been challenged to distinguish between news and entertainment on cable TV.

2005 Beloit College, Beloit, Wisconsin

This One is Priceless!!!

2005-08-29T08:13:00.000+03:00

Some people understand life better then others, and some people call these people "retarded"... Lets see what you think !

At the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back......every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better."

Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story... Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

Traffic Accident Reports

2005-08-24T10:51:00.000+03:00

Traffic Accident Reports (Source:http://www.eakles.com/)
(Below is an Ann Landers news-paper column from a few years back. We just had to share it!)

Dear Ann Landers: Most of us have endured the confusion of traffic accidents and then having to briefly summarize the event on those pitifully inadequate insurance forms.
The following was published by an insurance company for internal distribution. These are summaries submitted when policyholders were asked for a brief statement describing their particular accident. Your readers may enjoy them. -- Raleigh, NC
Dear R: What a hoot! Thanks for passing them on.

"It Happened This Way"

"The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention."

" I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it."

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid
by steering it into the other vehicle."

"I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

"I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, as I ran over him."

"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

From AECM archives

2005-08-23T03:01:00.000+03:00

4 Subjects – 4 WEB pages
Online Journal of Distance Education --- http://tojde.anadolu.edu.tr/
"The Next Level of Computer Aided Audit Tools," AccountingWeb, August 15, 2005 ---
http://www.accountingweb.com/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=101205
Understanding Genetics ; http://www.thetech.org/genetics/index.php
www.extreme-accounting.com

What is said?
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW -- What A Ride! Author unknown
As Pete Seeger, the legendary folk singer and writer, said, "Don’t let your studies get in the way of your education." Don’t be afraid to experiment; don’t be afraid to try something new. Find and create fun and different ways to learn. That is education; slogging through a textbook is often nothing more than studying.
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Robert Frost
Wittgenstein concluded in his Tractatus, “Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.”

Bill Clinton blows his own horn...

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton's favorite songs are being compiled for release on a series of albums, it was reported Monday. The first CD in "The Bill Clinton Collection: Selections From the Clinton Music Room," includes jazz classics such as John Coltrane's "My One and Only Love," Miles Davis' "My Funny Valentine" and Zoot Sims' "Summertime," Billboard.com reported.
"Bill Clinton's favorites compiled on CD," Washington Times, August 15, 2005 ---

To create your own blog

2005-08-23T02:04:00.000+03:00

Source:AECM archives – August 2005, week 3

It's easy to create your own blog—a good-looking one, with text, photos and links to other sites—in a flash, no technical know-how required. One good, basic service is Blogger.com, which is owned by Google. Blogger will host your site and give you a set of powerful, easy-to-use publishing tools for free. A caveat: Your blog's URL will end in blogspot.com unless you do an advanced setup. Another good bet is MSN Spaces, also free. Yahoo's 360° is still in limited beta-testing mode (you need to be invited by a current user to try it), but it should be open to the public later this summer, according to the company. There's also LiveJournal, which is popular with teens, and TypePad, which offers more advanced features for $5 to $15 per month, depending on level of service. (Both are owned by Six Apart, creators of Movable Type, a publishing platform for more serious users.)
Ifur you regularly read several different blogs, consider using a newsreader such as Bloglines or Kinja. These services let you view content from multiple websites, putting it all in one place so you don’t have to surf around. (There are also newsreader applications that you can download to your desktop. Check out Pluck.)
A newsreader will get a website’s content in the form of a feed—essentially a list of headlines, with summaries, excerpts or the full text of each item, and links that take you back to the source. Feeds come in one of three formats: RSS (which stands for Really Simple Syndication), XML or Atom. If a site offers a feed, you’ll usually see a tiny icon or link on the home page.
But you won’t have to bother with such details if you use Bloglines or Kinja. After you register for your free account, you simply type in web addresses of the sites you like. Bloglines stores your choices in folders, which you can access under the My Feeds tab. (You can also search for specific entries: there are 500 million blog and news feed articles in Bloglines’ database.) Kinja pulls together the latest news stories and blog posts and displays them on one page, which it calls Your Digest. Choose Collapse mode to view only the top post from each site on your list; Expand links to every post on all your sites, in age order (posted 12 minutes ago, posted 8 hours ago, posted yesterday, etc.) and will go back as far as you are willing to go.
If video blogs are your thing, try Mefeedia, a free service that will notify you every time your favorite vlog adds a new clip. Want to see what’s buzzing around the blogosphere? Visit Blogdex or Technorati.
www.google.com
www.blogger.com
spaces.msn.com
360yahoo.com
www.livejournal.com
www.typepad.com
www.bloglines.com
www.kinja.com
pluck.com
www.mefeedia.com
blogdex.com
www.technorati.com

FRIENDSHIP

2005-08-20T13:43:00.000+03:00

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying
the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been
dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side
of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it
was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the
arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to
the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate,
and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out,
"Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
”Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought
right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the
traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he
came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it
had never been closed. There was no fence.As he approached the gate,
he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an
old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself,
then he gave some to the dog.When they were full, he and the dog
walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the
road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Well,nope.That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would
leave their best friends behind."

MOBBING ???

2005-08-19T15:21:00.000+03:00

2005-08-19T15:10:00.000+03:00

MainSource:
http://www.formula1-istanbul.com/f1/en/?Main_Page
Source: http://www.mymerhaba.com
Source: http://www.turkeycentral.com/formula_1_istanbul/

The famous Formula 1 pilots are in Istanbul for Turkish Grand Prix. Istanbul Park Circuit at Kurköy hosts qualifying tours on Saturday and the race on Sunday. CNN Turk and KanalD TV channels will broadcast live the race on Sunday at 14:30.
Famous Turkish pop star Kenan Doğulu performs for Formula 1, at Taksim Square on Friday night. The concert ends with firework show at midnight.

Formula 1 Turkish Grand Prix Program

Istanbul Park circuit where Formula 1 Turkish Grand Prix will be held on the weekend, hosts various activities. The capacity of the park is 25.000 people.
Friday, August 19, 2005
09:30 - 10:00 GP2 Practice Tour
11:00 - 12:00 Formula1 First Practice Tour
12:30 - 13:00 VW Polo Ladies Practice Tour
14:00 - 15:00 Formula1 Second Practice Tour
15:30 - 16:00 GP2 Qualifying Tour
16:20 - 16:50 Copa Seat Leon Practice Tour
Saturday, August 20, 2005
09:00 - 09:45 Formula1 Third Practice Tour
10:15 - 11:00 Formula1 Fourth Practice Tour
13:00 - 14:00 Formula1 Qualifying Tour
14:45 - 15:45 GP2 Race (34 Tours)
16:15 - 16:45 VW Polo Ladies Qualifying Tour
17:15 - 17:45 Copa Seat Leon Qualifying Tour
Sunday, August 21, 2005
09:55 - 10:25 VW Polo Ladies Race (8 Tours)
11:00 - 11:45 GP2 Race (23 Tours)
12:25 - 12:55 Copa Seat Leon Race (10 Tours)
13:30 Formula1 Pilots Parade
13:45 - 14:15 Formula1 Start Qualifying Definitions
14:45 Formula1 National Anthem
15:00 Formula1 2005
Formula 1 Turkish Grand Prix (58 Tours)

2005-08-18T17:11:00.000+03:00

TRY TO GET OUT OF THE “Crimson Room”
Source: http://www.momchill.com/crimson_room.swf
Disclaimer: please try to finish the Crimson Room yourself. It's really not that hard at all.

How to beat and escape the Takagism “Crimson Room” game
Source: http://caltizzle.caltech.edu/index.php?p=6103
Caltizzle is apparently getting a bajillion hits from google for people looking for instructions on how to play “The Crimson Room,” so, as I’ve already put the effort into beating it, we might as well make our visitors happy… Here are instructions:
• Click on the ceiling to begin the game
• Click on the chest of drawers to go to it
• Open the top two drawers drawers and extract the CD case and memo
• Click on the dish to the right of the CD player and get the ring
• Click somewhere outside the dish to return to the view of the cabinet (it will be assumed you know how to do this in the future)
• Click under the chest of drawers to look underneath
• Get the casette tape
• Click the wall to the left to turn
• Click the purple carpet in the lower left corner
• Get the battery
• Click the wall to the left to get to the bed
• Click the pillow
• Take the key
• With the pillow still lifted, click the edge of the short edge of the mattress by the headboard. This may take a couple of tries; when you hit it the view changes and it says “A metal stick was found”
• Take the metal stick
• Turn left
• Open the curtain
• Take the key
• Keep opening and closing the curtain until something falls out of it
• Get the thick ring
• Click on the gold key in your “items” panel so that it is selected
• Return to the cabinet and click on the bottom left drawer to unlock it
• Click again to open the drawer; take the power cable
• Select the silver key
• Open the other locked drawer
• Take the red box
• Click on the stereo to go to it.
• Select the power cord, then click on the CD player to plug it in
• Turn it on, then click the CD drive to eject it
• Take the key from the tray
• Click on the red box in your inventory
• Select the rod in your inventory and click on the rod-shaped slot in the box
• Put the two rings into the holes they belong in
• Click the lid to open the box
• Insert the tape and battery where they obviously belong
• Click on the lid to watch a video. Watch the entire video without clicking.
• After the video is over, click where the guy pointed. It is important to wait until the projector has shut off. If you mess up, just go back to the red box and play the video again.
• Click the box that appears
• Read the memo to get the URL of the number to put in the combination lock. (GO THERE, GET THE COMBO, RELOAD THE CRIMSON ROOM GAME, AND START AGAIN)
• Select the black key from the CD player and click on the keyhole.
• Get the screwdriver
• Go to the door
• Click immediately above the knob to change your angle
• Select the screwdriver, click the doorknob
• Open the door and leave

Takagism (Solution) for dummies :

Disclaimer: please try to finish the Crimson Room yourself. It's really not that hard at all.
Source: http://fuckhedz.com/item/2473
All the steps are explained by pictures...

ManVis Report 2

2005-08-17T21:30:00.000+03:00

Source:http://www.inovasyon.org/

Manufacturing Visions-Integrating Diverse Perspective into Pan-European Foresight
(ManVis Report 2) Click the link to download pdf.file
http://www.inovasyon.org/getfile.asp?file=Fs.ManVis_Report_2_Final_April_2005.pdf

WHY???

2005-08-17T21:18:00.000+03:00

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
Won't they all stop eventually?

Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
Why do guys wear underpants?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Google Earth

2005-08-16T08:54:00.000+03:00

(Sender: Filiz EFE)

If you have Google Earth installed, you can double-click on the attached Placemark file and it will fly you to a location. If not, you will need to install Google Earth first (available at http://earth.google.com).
Google Earth streams the world over wired and wireless networks enabling users to virtually go anywhere on the planet and see places in photographic detail. This is not like any map you have ever seen. This is a 3D model of the real world, based on real satellite images combined with maps, guides to restaurants, hotels, entertainment, businesses and more. You can zoom from space to street level instantly and then pan or jump from place to place, city to city, even country to country.
Get Google Earth. Put the world in perspective.
earth.google.com

FUN FACTS

2005-08-16T08:52:00.000+03:00

Sender: Hande TARİKAHYA

I know I know, you've read them all before but why not, if they make you smile again...

Fun Statistics

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone

Never be Alone...

2005-08-16T08:47:00.000+03:00

Out of Office AutoReply

2005-08-16T08:43:00.000+03:00

Here's one of the interesting ones gotten through the listserv at loyola.edu:
"I will be out of the office from August 1st until August 15th, returning on the 16th. I will be in a remote part of Alaska, thus I will not have access to email or cell phone service; I will respond to your email upon my return to ......." [No really, I'm out of reach, no kidding]

Sales and Marketing Techniques...(Sender: Vedat SAYINSOY)

2005-08-15T09:54:00.000+03:00

Woman ???? (Sender:Vedat SAYINSOY)

2005-08-12T02:00:00.000+03:00

Make sure to cancel your credit cards before you die

2005-08-11T16:34:00.000+03:00

Sender: Marek PENZO

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added Late fees and interest on
The monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, and now is somewhere around $60.00.
A call was placed to Citibank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report
Her to the credit bureau, maybe
both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you--The part about her being
dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer). "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given).
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given).
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Me: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 129, plot number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Universiade 2005 - 23rd Universiade 2005, Izmir

2005-08-09T09:26:00.000+03:00

Source:http://www.mymerhaba.com

The Universiade is an international sporting and cultural festival, which is, staged every two years in a different city and which is second in importance only to the Olympic Games.

The word "Universiade" comes from "university" and "Olympiad", and means Olympic games for students. 23rd Universiade consists of 10 compulsory sports and up to three optional sports chosen by the host country.

The ten compulsory sports are, athletics, basketball, fencing, football, gymnastics, swimming, diving, water polo, tennis and volleyball. The three optional sports are: wrestling, tea-kwon-do and archery.

Universiade 2005 is between August 11 and 21, 2005.

For more information please visit the link given below.

Also See:
External Links:http://www.universiadeizmir.org/en/

UNIVERSIADE IZMIR 2005

2005-08-09T01:38:00.000+03:00

Public Service Announcement for Bloggers

2005-08-08T22:48:00.000+03:00

Source:
http://buzz.blogger.com

The Nonist has published (in PDF form) an interesting little pamphlet called What Everyone Should Know About Blog Depression.
There is a growing epidemic in the cyberworld. a scourge which causes more suffering with each passing day. as blogging has exploded and, under the stewardship of the veterans, the form has matured more and more bloggers are finding themselves disillusioned, dissatisfied, taking long breaks, and in many cases simply closing up shop. this debilitating scourge ebbs and flows but there is hardly a blogger among us who has not felt it’s dark touch. we’re speaking, of course, about blog depression.
http://www.thenonist.com/downloads/thenonist_blog_depression.pdf

Blogs In Space -When Telling The World Simply isn’t enough

2005-08-08T22:45:00.000+03:00

Source: http://buzz.blogger.com
Aliens love blogs too!
http://bloginspace.com

Alien Blog IconSome 60 years ago humans first began transmitting television signals powerful enough to reach beyond our earth's atmosphere. Since then the media has continued to broadcast messages from I Love Lucy to the five o'clock news into space, potentially reaching intelligent alien life forms beyond our solar system. Blogs In Space is the first entity to allow everyday bloggers to transmit the news and thoughts of an everyday person into space. Simply put we take your feed and transmit it out on a powerful deep space transmission dish.

2005-08-01T08:34:00.000+03:00

Image of USA...Cats...Sheep....

2005-08-01T08:29:00.000+03:00

2005 Fourth(and Last) Part....Beginning from 01 August 2005 posting will be daily....

2005-08-01T08:19:00.000+03:00

If you marry a software engineer

Husband - Hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry,cancel.

Wife - Oh GOD ! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt,del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program has performed an illegal operation, it will close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Microsoft DOES have a sense of humor
Check this out and spoof your friends or future-ex-friends with emailing links generated below:
http://www.msnsearchspoof.com/index.aspx

German proverb: "Whose bread I eat his song I sing."

The following multimedia presentation may be of interest to many
The presentation itself was created using Articulate's Presenter.
http://www.presenternet.com/robingood/player.html?slide=1
Source: AECM Archieves

Alzheimer's Test

Count the "F's" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...(see below)

Managed it ?
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?
Do you think there are three?
How many ? 3?
Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind it is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends-it drives them crazy

THE BEST IRISH JOKE

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meyself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Think About It from the Year 1904....

Hundred and one years ago... What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1904:
*The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
*Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
*Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
*A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
*There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
*Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st
most populous state in the Union.
*The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
*The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour. The average U.S worker made between $200 and $400per year.
*A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical
engineer about $5,000 per year.
*More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
*Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college
education. Instead, they attended medical schools,many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
*Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were ! fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
*Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
*Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
*The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
*The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma,New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
*The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
*Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
*There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
*Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.

*Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to
one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and
bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
*Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
*There were only about 230 reported murders in the
entire U..S.
... And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to all of you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years .. it staggers the mind.
(Sender:Gülgün Yeletayşi)

EUROPA - European Commission - Directorate General Press and Communication - Get your facts straight
Source:http://europa.eu.int/comm/dgs/press_communication/facts/index_en.htm

Most of us rely on our national newspapers, television and radio news to find out about what is going on in the EU. Unfortunately, amongst the clear and informative reports lie a large number of stories based on twisted facts or even lies. The stories can make entertaining reading, but many people believe them and often come away with a picture of the EU as a bunch of mad 'eurocrats'. These pages take some of those stories and set the record straight – sadly, we cannot keep track of them all.
Advertising slogans: EU to ban famous advertising slogans
Africa: EU tells Africa US GM food is unsafe
AIDS: EU neglects research against HIV/AIDS
Ambulances: Ambulances must turn yellow for Europe
Anthem: EU to get a new anthem
Bananas: Goodbye bendy bananas, farewell curved cucumbers, so long chunky carrots
Big prizes: EU wants to stop us winning big prizes
Corgis: Corgis to be banned by EU
CV: EU demands standardised CV
DIY: EU bans DIY
Dog bones: Butchers cannot give a dog a bone
Eggs: EU says eggs must carry details of the hen that laid them
Electronic waste: Sex toys must be handed in
Energy sources: National control over energy sources threatened
EU Olympic aid: EU funds Athens Olympics rescue
Euro/Health: The euro causes skin diseases & makes you impotent
Flag: New flag for Europe
Hard hats: EU forces tightrope walkers to wear hard hats
Health card: New EU health card: a means to spy on us?
Holidays: Europe hikes up the price of your holiday
Home-made cakes: Home-made cakes must be labelled with all ingredients
Illegal logging: EU vs. illegal timber
Islands: EU changes the definition of an island
Labels: "Made in Britain" labels to be axed
Languages: Commission plots to shore up the use of French
Life sentence: Life sentences to be banned
Marmalade: EU regulates grandmother's recipe
Model railways: Model railways under threat from EU
Noise: EU bans noise in pubs and at football matches
Number plates: French vehicle number plates must be changed for EU
Pigs: EU says pigs must be given toys
Pilots: EU to harmonise flying times
Renaming monuments: EU to rename Waterloo Station "Europe Station"
Smoke flavourings: Smoky bacon gets up EU's nose
Swings: Europe says playground swings are too high
Tax: EU proposes tax harmonisation
Teabags: EU Directive to make employers consult workers over choice of tea
Tractors: Farmers not allowed to drive tractors
Vat on food: Brussels wishes to make UK impose VAT on food
Vitamins: 300 vitamin treatments face ban in Euro purge
Viagra: Male EU officials get 6 free viagra tablets per month
Warning signs on mountains: EU requires climbers to use scaffolding
Women's clothes: EU harmonistation of women's clothes sizes
Yogurt: Yogurt to be banned

Interesting
http://www.axefeather.com/index_pop.aspx?referred

TURKS in Royal Academy of Arts
http://www.turks.org.uk/

DEFINITIONS
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
Understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women some how deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman ? before marriage and after marriage.

Carmen...

A guy spotted a nice looking girl in a bar, went over to her and started the small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like CARs, and I like MEN!" she said looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?” "Beerfuck." :-)))

Turkish Baths:
A Light onto a Tradition and Culture
Author: Orhan Yilmazkaya

ISBN: 9756663278
Publisher: Çitlembik
Copyright: ©2003
Pages: 142
Language: English
Binding: softcover
Price: $29.99

Use the links to the left to purchase this book using PayPal or Amazon.

----------------------

Turkish Baths: A light onto a Tradition and Culture, is a lively pictorial jaunt through the history, traditions and culture of the Turkish bath. Discover the bath's contribution to Islamic culture and health, its role in the social lives of sequestered Ottoman women, the tale of the street ruffians who slept in its back corners, its environmental impact as Istanbul's greatest forests succumbed to the giant stokepits, and the sexual activities (primarily same gender) that were an acknowledged part of the bath 'scene.' The architecture of the bath is its crown, as light filters down onto the bathers stretched languorously on the large, common 'reclining' stone, demonstrated here with scores of beautiful contemporary photographs of Istanbul baths and bathers.

This book is also a detailed guide to 'bath etiquette'--and a guide to fifty historic baths in Istanbul (some dating as far back as the 15th century) that continue in regular use today.

This book is a must for those searching for the perfect Turkish bath experience and those who want to understand what this tradition is all about!

Contents

Bath Culture: Past and Present
Roman Baths
Baths during the Ottoman Empire
Islam and Baths
The Only Place a Woman Could Visit
The Turkish Bath through European Eyes
Ottoman Bath Architecture
The Essential Components of the Bath: Tellak and Natir
The Baths and Sex
Tellak: Then and Now
The Star of the Turkish Bath: Kulhanbey
A Guide to the Historic Turkish Baths of Istanbul
In the Bath...
The Bath and Health
Within the City Walls of Old Istanbul
Beyoglu Side
Anatolian/Asian Side
References
--------------------------------

Ordering Instructions: To order using PayPal, click on the 'PayPal add to cart' button on this page. If you do not already have your free personal PayPal account, PayPal will prompt you on how to open your account. If you prefer to pay by check, please return to the ABOUT page. For information on shipping costs, see the shipping page.
Source: http://www.nettleberry.com/catalog.asp?isbn=9756663278

Antivirus, Maths...,and Meteorology

2005-08-01T08:11:00.000+03:00

"I appreciate traditional values as well as the next man, Belknap, but you'll have to convert to battery power like the rest of us."

2005-08-01T08:08:00.000+03:00

2005 Third Part

2005-08-01T08:01:00.000+03:00

15 MOST ANNOY-ING CLICHES
As identified by the Accountemps survey of 150 senior executives
1. At the end of the day
2. Solution
3. Thinking outside the box
4. Synergy
5. Paradigm
6. Metrics
7. Take it offline
8. Redeployed people
9. Core Competency
10. Win-win
11. Value-added
12. Get on the same page
13. Customer-centric
14. Generation X
15. Alignment
(Source:AECM-Acc.Edu)

Accounting jokes

Q. When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A. When he realizes that he does not have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q. What does an accountant use for birth control?
A. His personality.

Q. Why did the accountant stare at a glass of orange juice for three hours?
A. Because on the box it said "Concentrate".

Q. What is an actuary?
A. An accountant without the sense of humor.

A vastly wealthy, dying man calls his lawyer, doctor and accountant into his bedroom. With much of his remaining energy he says, "I've made each of your rich over the years from my fees. In return I'd like you to do me this one final favor. They say that 'You can't take it with you.' I want to prove them wrong. Here's $10,000 cash for each of you. When I die, I want you to bury it with me."
The client dies several days later. At the grave site the three men watch closely as they each drop envelopes into the hole as it is being filled in over the coffin.
They decide to have a cup of coffee together and share some stories about the departed meal ticket.
The lawyer starts grousing, "He was a difficult client, bothering me with nuisance lawsuits and endless contract revisions. He always argued about my bill and didn't want to reimburse me for expenses. I threw in only $7,500."
The doctor chimed in, "He was always calling me in the middle of the night to make house calls when he could have taken two aspirin and called me in the morning. I put $5,000 in the envelope."
The accountant rose indignantly and said, "Why you cheap SOBs, I gave him a check for the full $10,000."

Comprehending accountants - 1
Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second accountant replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".

The second accountant nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending accountants - 2
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The accountant said "I like both". "Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done.

Comprehending accountants - 3
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

(Source:AECM-Acc.Edu)

Peter's Laws The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Complusive

1. If anything can go wrong, Fix It!
(To hell with Murphy!)
2. When givin a choice-Take Both!
3. Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
4. Start at the top then work your way up.
5. Do it by the book....but be the author!
6. When forced to compromise, ask for more.
7. If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them.
8. If it's worth doing, it's got to be done right now.
9. If you can't win, change the rules.
10. If you can't change the rules, then ignore them.
11. Perfection is not optional.
12. When faced without a challenge, make one.
13. "No" simply means begin again at one level higher.
14. Don't walk when you can run.
15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
16. When in doubt: THINK!
17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
18. The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
19. The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live.
Source: http://www.art.com

POINT OF ORDER

President Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and George asks him what his name is. "Bob," says the boy.
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more
votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume, George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Steve," says the boy.
"And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, why
did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, where is Bob?"
(Sender:Marek Penzo)

Top 7 Worst April Fool's Day Hoaxes Ever
Seven attempts at April Fool's Day hoaxes that were truly awful.

#2: Releasing The Prisoners
Imagine reading that your husband or brother who has been held in a squalid Romanian prison for years is finally going to be released. You make the long journey to the prison and stand outside the prison gates, waiting desperately for the moment you'll be reunited with your loved one, only to hear... 'April Fools! No one's being released!' This experience happened to sixty people in April 2000 who read in the Opinia newspaper that their loved ones were going to be released from the Baia Mare prison in Romania. They made the long journey to the prison, only to learn that the paper had played an April Fool's joke on them. The Opinia later published an apology.
#3: The Phony Deadline
Glenn Howlett's colleagues at London city hall thought they had dreamed up a great gag. They sent him a memo informing him that the really big report he was working on was going to be due early... on April 1st, to be exact. Ha Ha. Except Howlett didn't realize it was a joke. He received the memo while on vacation and immediately phoned the office to tell everyone to start getting busy. But as he contemplated the new deadline he worked himself up into an increasing state of panic, until soon he began to experience heart palpitations. Finally he collapsed from the stress and had to take leave from work. As he was recovering he realized it just wasn't worth risking his health to finish the report, so he filed for early retirement. At which point someone told him the early deadline was just a joke. He responded by suing for damages. As a consequence of his lawsuit, city hall banned employees from pulling any more pranks.
#5: A Fake Hanging
Randy Wood's marriage was over, but apparently he was still a little bitter about the divorce. So he decided to play a prank on his ex-wife. He called her up and asked her to come over, telling her that he had something to show her. Obligingly she drove over, only to find him hanging by a noose from a tree in his front yard. Terrifed, she immediately dialed 911. Emergency services, including firefighters, policemen, and paramedics, soon showed up. But when they went to cut Wood down they discovered he wasn't dead. He wasn't even hurt. He had strung himself up as a prank to scare his ex-wife, using a lineman's harness similar to those used by utility crews. The authorities warned that he would face a fine of up to $1,000 and a year in jail for his prank.
#6: A Fake Robbery
Sitra Walker was an employee at a clothing store in Columbus, Ohio. She had only been working there for two weeks, but already she felt that she knew the manager well enough to joke around with him. So on April 1, 2003 she called him up at his home and told him that armed men were robbing the store. The manager immediately called the police, who promptly dispatched four cruisers. Minutes later Walker phoned the manager again and screamed 'April Fools'. Too late. When the police arrived moments later they weren't amused and charged her with inducing a panic. Walker's manager fired her.
#7: Revival of the Warsaw Pact
In 1996 the Russian news agency Itar-Tass reported that the Russian parliament was debating whether to revive the Warsaw Pact. The startling report was immediately repeated by news agencies in the Czech Republic and Bulgaria, causing widespread panic. A few hours later Itar-Tass admitted that it had just been joking, and apologized for any confusion it might have caused.
#8: Fake Death Report
In 1986 Israel Radio broadcast that Nabih Berri, leader of the Shi'ite Amal movement, had been assassinated. The news caused an immediate flare-up of tensions in the region. However, Israeli officials quickly denounced the report as a hoax. The false report was traced back to an army intelligence officer who had planted the news item in the broadcasts of the Israeli Army's intelligence monitoring unit, from which it had been picked up by Israel Radio. Apparently the officer had meant it as an April Fool's joke (because hey, nothing says funny like stirring up tension in the Middle-East). Israel's Defence Minister, Yitzhak Rabin, announced that the unnamed officer would be court-martialed. "Berri Berri funny," one foreign correspondent wryly commented.
#9: Fake Disaster Warnings
In 1999 DJs at Oregon radio station KSJJ announced that the Ochoco dam had burst, threatening downstream areas with massive flooding. What made the warning believable was that hundreds of houses in these areas had been damaged the previous year when the Ochoco Creek had flooded, so terrified homeowners who heard the news quickly prepared to flee. Later the DJs informed their listeners that it was all a joke. They had just been 'having a little fun'. The homeowners were not amused.
In the same genre of non-funny disaster warnings, there's also WNOR's 1992 April 1st report in which it warned that a large build-up of methane gas was about to cause a fiery explosion at Mount Trashmore, a landfill near Virginia Beach. Residents were warned to evacuate the area, causing the local 911 to be flooded with calls. The DJs responsible for the prank were suspended without pay for two weeks.
(Source: www.museumofhoaxes.com)

PROCRASTINATOR' S CREED

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my dead lines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time givin.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8 If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and /or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more significant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/wait/plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what i can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the Ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles(the Procrastinators Society) if they ever get it organized.
Source: http://www.art.com

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned. Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life-learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup-they all die. So do we. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned-the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if all-the whole world-had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put thing back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are-when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
By Robert Fulghum

Write your name in Hieroglyp

http://www.upennmuseum.com/hieroglyphsreal.cgi

Let's Learn English!
President Bush and Condoleeza Rice miscommunication
http://masteroni.braunoni.nl/hu.html

Mens New College Courses

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree...

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-mesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR:
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to getting in at 2AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR:
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise or Billy Dee
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)

MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 201 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 202 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 203 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there...
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist (poetic spelling). Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?
Send this to all of the women you know (and men with a sense of humor) and brighten their day!!!...and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy
(Sender: SİREL ÖZKEÇECİ)

"No, Hoskins, you’re not going to do it just because I’m telling you to do it. You’re going to do it because you believe in it."

2005-08-01T07:59:00.000+03:00

Free...,Horsehead.....Women and Technology...

2005-08-01T07:48:00.000+03:00

EU and TURKEY....

2005-08-01T07:45:00.000+03:00

2005 Second Part

2005-07-30T15:49:00.000+03:00

FLASH NEWS;
why the pope died
Charles and Camilla asked the pope to marry them and the pope said:
"over my dead body "

Wrong Email address

A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his
wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
.......................
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
--------------------------
(Sender:Gökhan Şahin)

Darwin Award Winners:

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the
Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners.
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated,
walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very
sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these
with your friends and family .. unless of course one of
these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long
lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope
they remain lost.
(Send by: Melih Tüzmen)
The Yellow Rose of Texas

There's a yellow rose in Texas
That I am going to see
No other darky knows her
No one only me
She cried so when I left her
It like to broke my heart
And if I ever more find her
We nevermore will part.

Chorus:
She's the sweetest rose of color
This darky ever knew
Her eyes are bright as diamonds
They sparkle like the dew
You may talk about dearest May
And sing of Rosa Lee
But the yellow rose of Texas
Beats the belles of Tennessee.

Where the Rio Grande is flowing
And the starry skies are bright
She walks along the river
In the quiet summer night

She thinks if I remember
When we parted long ago
I promised to come back again
And not to leave her so.
Oh now I am agoing to find her
For my heart is full of woe
And we will sing the song together
We sung so long ago
We will play the banjo gaily
And will sing the song of yore
And the yellow rose of Texas
Shall be mine forevermore.
-J.K.
Sent by:Gülgûn Yeletayşi

THE MOST

The most selfish one-letter word is "I" avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word is "WE" use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word is "EGO" kill it.
The most used four-letter word is "LOVE" value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word is "SMİLE" keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word is "RUMOUR" ignore it.
The hardest working seven-letter word is "SUCCESS" achieve it.
The most enviable eight-letter word is "JEALOUSY" distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word is "KNOWLEDGE" acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word is "CONFIDENCE" trust it.

The Deaf Accountant
Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit ,and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shake down the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollar is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzio's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger. Don't ya just love lawyers?

USEFUL LINKS;

http://www.success-engineering.com/
http://www.whatthebleep.com/

DICTIONARY
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See, I am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
(sent by:Çelik Cesuroğlu)

Google Map Service Covers Lunar Surface
Google Moon won't give you driving directions or the nearest
restaurants, the types of information available with Google Maps and Google Earth. But the lunar tool lets you zoom and move around _ to the
extent NASA has provided images for those areas. The feature debuting
Wednesday at http://moon.google.com also shows the locations of all six
Apollo moon landings. Click on one to get the date and astronauts
involved.Then zoom in on the pictures. If you are curious about how much detail you could get and choose any of the Apollo site. The closest zoom will prove what we have been
told about the moon since we were children and also prove that the people at Google have a great sense of humor.

Anick Jesdanun, "Google Map Service Covers Lunar Surface," The Washington Post, July 22, 2005 ---

http://www.carol.co.uk/

CAROL - Company Annual Reports On-Line
*
Providing Company Annual Reports On-Line
CAROL is an on-line service offering direct links to the financial pages of listed companies in Europe and the USA. CAROL provides direct access to companies’ balance sheets, profit & loss statements, financial highlights etc.
Access is free of charge, but they do ask you to register for access to annual reports.

How it all began......

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, eBay, he said, We need a name that reflects what we are, and Dot replied, Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.YAHOO, said Abraham.
And that is how it all began!!
(Sent by: Gülgün BİLİCİ)

GLOBALISATION - "We design them here, but the labor is cheaper in Hell." 2005 Jack Ziegler

2005-07-30T15:45:00.000+03:00

Important & Essential Office skills!!!

2005-07-30T15:40:00.000+03:00

2005 First part

2005-07-29T01:51:00.000+03:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page a free-content encyclopedia that anyone can edit.In this English version, started in 2001, we are currently working on 485875 articles.

The Birth
A Kid asks: "Daddy? How did I come into this world?"
The Daddy Answered:"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way,
The Kid asked again: so why not today?
The Dad Respond: Please, listen carefully."
Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber café.
In the restrooms of that cyber café, dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus. (Sender:Mustafa UYAL)

Rules exist to govern behavior, but rules cannot substitute for
character.
Alan Greenspan

Train of Life (Willie Nelson and Patsy Cline) ---
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7/TOL.htm

CIA: The World Factbook 2005
http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/index.html

Charles Schultz Philosophy
The following is the philosophy of the late Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point. 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America. 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)
the poster published by despair.com on Consulting; "If You're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem."
Sources:AECM Archieves
247 Profits.com Newsletter

Speaking in English kills you

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the FINAL word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
/Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you./

A Google approach to math.
On the eve of Gmail's one-year birthday, our engineers were toiling away furiously. Notes scribbled all over the walls. Complex calculations on napkins and empty pizza boxes. Millions of M&Ms. The result?... starting today, we're beginning the roll-out of our new and top secret Infinity+1 storage plan. The key features are: Write, don't worry.
You want to stop caring about storage. We want to keep giving you more. Today, and beyond. The gift that keeps on giving.
2056. megabytes of storage (and counting) for every user. No complicated equations. No tough algorithms.

Gmail turns 1 today. And we've always loved a good joke. We know we won't reach infinity, but here is what we will do ; ... Just Launched! G is for growth
Storage is an important part of email, but that doesn't mean you should have to worry about it. To celebrate our one-year birthday, we're giving everyone one more gigabyte. But why stop the party there? Our plan is to continue growing your storage beyond 2GBs by giving you more space as we are able. We know that email will only become more important in people's lives, and we want Gmail to keep up with our users and their needs. From Gmail, you can expect more. We're not in the plains anymore
Fonts, bullets and highlighting, oh my! Gmail now offers rich text formatting. And over 60 colors of the rainbow. Discover a land of more than just black and white.

You've got to try this!!
Click Here http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf
and Wait for the entire screen to load up with all four horses and a fence in front of them. Then click on each horse. Make sure your sound is on. Re-click on any horse to make it turn off or turn it back on again. Somebody did some real wizardry of programming to coordinate this!

TRY CLICKING ON THE HORSES FROM LEFT TO RIGHT AND THEN JUST ONE OR TWO AT A TIME... IT'S FUN AND A GOOD STRESS RELIEVER; relax and spend a little time with these Guys creating some great harmony.

HAVE FUN!!

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
**********
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
***********
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
***********
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
************
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
**************
A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
******************
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
**************
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
**********
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
******************
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
***********
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
****************
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to
forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
****************
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he
taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If y ou would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Easy and Difficult

Easy is to get a place in someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to ask for forgiveness
Difficult is to forgive others
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it
into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
Easy is to keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

The Best advice I ever got

The best piece of advice I have ever received is "Do not worry about things you cannot change". I have always wondered where my father got his laid back view on life from, nothing panics him and he just deals with 'problems' or difficult situations as they occur rather than worrying about future events that he can't control. Two years ago we found that he had cancer. The family were devastated and rallied round to support and help him through this terrifying experience. Whilst chatting to him in hospital one day I admitted to him that I was worried that he might die from the illness. He turned to me and said "Why worry, you cannot influence whether or not that may happen, anymore than I can. If I die you will need to deal with any issues that arise, if I don't then the worry will have been for nothing. Worrying about anything beforehand serves no purpose." Since that day I have lived my live by that mantra. I feel more relaxed, I take things in my stride and I don't worry about things. I also give this as advice to friends, family and colleagues and they agree that it does seem to work. At the end of the day if you can do something to help the situation then do it. If you can't then review the situation regularly in case something changes but until there is something that you can do to improve the outcome just relax and let things happen.
JUST TEN YEARS AGO!!!

Before the computer age,

An APPLICATION was for employment.

A PROGRAMME was a television show.

WINDOWS were something you hated to clean.

A KEYBOARD was a piano.

MEMORY was something you lost with age.

A CD was a bank account.

COMPRESS was something you did to garbage.

LOG ON was adding wood to a fire.

A HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road.

A MOUSE PAD was where a mouse lived.

CUT you did with scissors.

PASTE you did with glue.

A WEB was a spider's home.

And a VIRUS was just a flu !!!!!

***********************
Source:Museum of Hoaxes
Newsletter
April 4, 2005
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com
**********************
April Fools 2005
*UnderGoos: Google underwear search engine (Google parody)
http://www.undergoos.com/
* Google Gulp: Google debuts a new 'smart drink', "a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second"
http://www.google.com/googlegulp/
*See a graphic of a new Firefox extension
http://www.extensionsmirror.nl/index.php?showtopic=3022
*Astronomy Picture of the Day: Water Found on Mars
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap050401.html
*THIS IS REAL: BOOB MARLEY Apr 1 2005
BBC ask to interview reggae music star who died in 1981 By Eva Simpson
THE BBC asked to interview reggae legend Bob Marley for a documentary - despite the fact he died in 1981. In an email, they told the Bob Marley Foundation it would only involve him "spending one or two days with us". The Beeb wanted the Jamaican star's contribution for an hour-long show on his hit single No Woman, No Cry. The email said the story "would only work with some participation from Bob Marley himself". It added filming was pencilled in for June, July and August, but "our schedule is flexible". The show, expected to air on BBC2 and BBC Three, follows a December documentary on The Story Of Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen song. Marley died aged 36 from cancer. Last night a source close to his family said given the BBC's prestige the email was a "shock". "We didn't think there was anyone on the planet who didn't realise Bob Marley passed away years ago," he added. BBC Three said the blunder, by researcher Paysley Ross, was "not an April Fool". It added: "We're very embarrassed."
Penile Weight Lifting, Part 2
Last month I posted about a man in Hong Kong who claims that he was able to lift a dumbbell weighing 165lbs with his penis. What I didn't know then was that there's an entire martial art based around penile weight lifting. It's called Jiu Jiu Shen Gong. For only $56.95 you can get a video that will teach you the secrets of this ancient skill. The video is titled Iron Crotch:
"You heard the stories, now experience the reality! Iron Crotch is the most talked about ancient Chinese practice! Called Jiu Jiu Shen Gong (99 Power Practice) this ancient skill unleashes your untapped potential and allows you to achieve your peak performance! Grandmaster Tu's students have lifted hundreds of pounds with their privates, even students in their 70s! Dramatically enhances your potency and helps with sexual response dysfunction or lack of interest in sex."

I believe this video is real, in the sense that the Martial Arts Mart really is offering it for sale. However, I'm not willing to believe that anyone is actually going to learn how to lift hundreds of pounds with their penis by watching it.
Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005
***********************
Source:Museum of Hoaxes
Newsletter
April 4, 2005
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com

Penile Weight Lifting

After reading about this, I'm just at a loss for words. How in the world is this guy lifting the weight? Is he using a string to tie it to himself? Or is he just somehow positioning himself to lift the dumbbell from the ground? Either way, it can't be real. 75kg is a lot of weight. About 165lbs. Many men would struggle to bench press that much (especially if they had never done any weight training). And, of course, the fact that the story is on Ananova doesn't lend it credibility:

A Chinese man has lifted a 75kg barbell for 10 seconds - with his penis. Zhan, from Harbin city, Helongjiang province, said the skill is a branch of Kung Fu, which is exclusive to his family. Zhan, 55, says his father taught him the skill to help him get fit after a serious illness when he was 18. He started training by lifting small bricks with his penis, then gradually added weights and extended duration, reports Yangtsi Evening Post. Zhan, a director of the Hong Kong Chinese Culture Development Fund, said he had no interest in applying to the Guinness Book of Records.
Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 | Comments (40)
Category: Sports

These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by
The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine
Messages.
(And if they are not actual messages - they ought to
be!)

1. My wife & I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name & number we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. (From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!
8. Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the Refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub or time
sharing, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their
office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you!
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim & Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya
likes doing it up & down, and I like doing it left to right in a circular
motion.... ... real slow. So leave a message, and when we get done brushing our teeth we'll return your call.

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about
aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a
half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!". You could be 13, but hey, you're
gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life.

You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony
. . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! . He TURNED; we had to throw him out.

There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay " them "

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day

The following questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website.

Answers are responses by a long-suffering staff member after a birthday lunch.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown, then we
just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Harvey Bay? (UK)
A: That's over 2000 ATMs so far. What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) [must have been Fly-by-night]
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: We are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

At school

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said
'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
She said, "Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the
People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863." said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
gain, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush Snr to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!"
Chandrashekhari jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit
to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
"Oh shit, we're f**ked!" and Chandrashekhar said quietly,"George Bush,
Iraq, 2004."

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, -"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, -"Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, -"Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, -"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

In-flight announcements

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
**************************
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
**************************
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
**************************
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
**************************
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
**************************
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
*************************
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 295 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
*************************
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
*************************
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
*************************
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
***********************
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
*************************
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
*************************
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault; it was the asphalt."
*************************
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
*************************
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
*************************
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am,"
said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
*************************
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
****************************
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
****************************
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
****************************
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

WRITE YOUR ANNUAL INCOME AND LEARN YOUR PLACE...
http://www.globalrichlist.com/

What is SpoofStick?
SpoofStick is a simple browser extension that helps users detect spoofed (fake) websites. A spoofed website is typically made to look like a well known, branded site (like ebay.com or citibank.com) with a slightly different or confusing URL. The attacker then tries to trick people into going to the spoofed site by sending out fake email messages or posting links in public places - hoping that some percentage of users won't notice the incorrect URL and give away important information. This practice is sometimes known as “phishing".
From CoreStreet --- http://www.corestreet.com/spoofstick/

StoreWars....

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

Mars
The Mars phenomenon was featured in a couple of articles on the web site Space.com which are still well worth the reading: Mars to Get Closer than Ever in Recorded History in 2003 and Orbital Oddities: Why Mars will be So Close to Earth in August . Interested observers also joined Mars Watch 2003
through the
MarsToday.com web site.

The Museum of Hoaxes

The Museum of Hoaxes was established in 1997 in order to promote knowledge about the phenomenon of hoaxes.

Why do we (the staff at the museum) care about hoaxes, and why do we think other people should care also? One reason is that we live in an era in which reality and unreality are becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish, and the only reliable way to sort out what is real from what is unreal is to have some knowledge about what unreality looks like and how it manages to slip past our defenses.

But the real reason we care about hoaxes is simply because we're endlessly fascinated by the bizarre things that people have been talked into believing over the years. Women who give birth to rabbits, Swiss spaghetti trees, lunar bison—they've all found believers. In fact, it's probably a truism that there's no claim so stupid or weird that someone somewhere won't believe it.

So take a look around, check out the exhibits, and try to decide if you would have fallen for any of the hoaxes. There are even some tests here for you to determine just how gullible you really are.

Based in San Diego, California, the Museum of Hoaxes is open to visitors 365 days a year

Backwards Clock

The perfect clock for those friends who are always seem to be going backwards! This is a real working clock.
OUR PRICE: $ 19.89

The butterfly's struggle
A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther. So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily. But something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
I asked for strength and I was given difficulties to make me strong
I asked for wisdom and I was given problems to solve
I asked for prosperity and I was given a brain and brawn to work
I asked for courage and I was given obstacles to overcome
I asked for love and I was given troubled people to help
I asked for favours and I was given opportunities
I received nothing I wanted…but everything I received I needed.

Lunch time??

2005-07-26T11:43:00.000+03:00

2005-07-26T11:38:00.000+03:00

2005-07-26T10:51:00.000+03:00

2005-07-26T10:49:00.000+03:00

2005-07-26T10:37:00.000+03:00

EUROPE'S FEAR

MONEY MARKET

1936 TURKISH BEAUTY QUEEN (From Izmir of course)

2005-07-26T10:32:00.000+03:00

Remaining of the year 2004-English Bulletin

2005-07-26T10:21:00.000+03:00

Skirt Length Theory
The idea that skirt lengths are a predictor of the stock market direction. If skirts are short, it means the markets are going up, whereas longer skirts mean the markets are heading down.
The idea behind this theory is that shorter skirts indicate that confidence and excitement is high, meaning things are bullish. In contrast, Long skirts indicate fear and general gloom, hinting that things are bearish.
(Source: http://www.investopedia.com/dictionary)

A STORY.....
A father and his son owned a farm. They did not have many animals, but they did own a horse. One day the horse ran away.
“How terrible, what bad luck,” said the neighbours.
“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.
Several weeks later the horse returned, bringing with him four wild mares.
“What marvellous luck,” said the neighbours.
“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.
The son began to learn to ride the wild horses, but one day he was thrown and broke his leg.
“What bad luck,” said the neighbours.
“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.
The next week the army came to the village to take all the young men to war. The farmer’s son was still disabled with his broken leg, so he was spared. “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

Truisms
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3
and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are
these for?"
"Those are for college men," The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for
January, one for February, one for
March,".....

Enter your date of birth

Enter your date of birth (or any other date for that matter!) to
discover which single / album was at Number 1.

You'll also see a list of eminent musicians who share your special
day!
http://everyhit.com/dates/

MAGIC BEER

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at
the bar by himself.
She goes over and asks him what he is drink-ing.
"Magic Beer."he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar,
But after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar who looks kind of familiar and says,"That isn't really magic beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the
window,flies around the building three times and comes back in the
window.
The lady can't believe it; "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around
the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed she says she wants a Magic Beer. So the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the
Window and plummets 30 stories.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know,Superman,
you're not very nice when you're drunk.."

Celebrating
what a coincidence

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a
woman. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm
celebrating."
"What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too." She
touches glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years, all my hens were
infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence," the woman said. "My husband and I have been
trying to have a child. Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant.
How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched roosters," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said...

Happy Thanksgiving

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said,"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, the bird continued,"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Ten Commandments of Computer Ethics

THOU SHALT:
1. Not use a computer to harm other people
2. Not interfere with other people’s computer work
3. Not snoop around another’s files
4. Not use a computer to steal
5. Not use a computer to bear false witness
6.Not copy proprietary software for which you have no authority
7. Not use another’s computer resources without authority or payment
8. Not appropriate another’s intellectual output
9. Think about social consequences of your computer work
10. Always use a computer insuring consideration & respect for others

The Box - The Guy Next Door

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught! the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.
"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box? " Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention .
"Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched ! casing, he unlatched the cover.

Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked. "I need some time to spend with my son," he said.
"Oh, by the way, Janet...thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
5. You mean the world to someone.
6. If not for you, someone may not be living.
7. You are special and unique.
8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, probably, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
11. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.
14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

SEX

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colloseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and then Greek Says: "We invented sex"
The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

how to make irag free...

Hust click...
http://www.barabanow.com/iraqfree.html

Extra Credit

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbsheat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
Need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
Temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume! of Hell has to
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase untilall Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, " it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a devine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

AMEN.....
----
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went To the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and
Discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's Family
expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's Salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her Frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much,we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen.”
.............

MARRIAGE

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not." (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
**************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads,
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever. "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*******************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
****************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
" Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*******************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

TRANSLATION of a MENÜ:

Gözleme : Observing
(of course Plain or with Cheese,Mince or Potato)
Tavalar ve Kavurmalar:
Fırıying and Roasting
(ve tabii ki en güzel kavurma )
Kurban Kavurma: Victim Roasting
Çoban Kavurma: Çoban Roasting (Yabancilar tanıyor saten Çobanları...)
Vadi Saçta Kavurma:Valley Sheet Iron Roasting

Nice End Rumors:

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

Another Version

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself
into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing3.6 no
longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
(KEEP READING)
_________________________
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tequila Xmas Cake

Ingredients
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cupsn dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a
drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. No wait...shtrainn the lemon juice and shift your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greasen the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Power of Punctiation...
An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly..
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful!! : )

MEN S T-SHIRTS

2005-07-26T08:19:00.000+03:00

Monthly Bulletin- 08 November 2004 Monday - No :12

2005-07-26T07:40:00.000+03:00

Special thanks to our readers/friends for submitting this bulletings’s jokes and essays.
Cihan AKINCI
TEDAnkK64-69Yz.Gr.
Ferah DİKEN
Cengizhan DEVECİOĞLU
Binnur KANDEMİR
Atila TURAN
Nuran KOSTAK
Kırımhan AKINCI
Ali İÇHEDEF
Mustafa UYAL
Ayhan SÜREK
Çelik CESUROĞLU
Marek PENZO
Bekir TÖMEK
(CW)CopyWrong Kırımhan-2004.All rigts pre-reserved,only for VIP... Reproduction in whole or in part with or without the permission of the CopyWrong owner is prohibited.(Yeah,but feel free to forward it to your friends)
Communication e-mail adress:
kirimhanakinci@kablonet.com.tr
kirimhan.akinci@izsmmmo.com
kirimhan.akinci@gmail.com

The content of this English Version are just taken from the Turkish Daily Bulletins as they were(in English also).

Vision: To become an International Bulletin..
Mission: Let my fame is known by the whole world....( Forward as much as people you can......)
Ethic : Pls.just write a short e-mail stating that you want to unsubscribe if you don’t want to receive this Bulletin.

Talking Turkey: "The Story of How the Unofficial Bird of the United
States Got Named After a Middle Eastern Country"
by Giancarlo Casale
PhD in History & MES
Dissertation topic: Ottoman-Portuguese Relations and the Sixteenth
Century Origins of Globalization
Harvard University
Center for Middle Eastern Studies
Giancarlo Casale is one of the editors of the "Harvard Middle
Eastern and Islamic Review"

How did the turkey get its name? This seemingly harmless question
popped into my head one morning as I realized that the holidays were
once again upon us. After all, I thought, there's nothing more
American than a turkey. Their meat saved the pilgrims from
starvation during their first winter in New England. Out of
gratitude, if you can call it that, we eat them for Thanksgiving
dinner, and again at Christmas, and gobble them up in sandwiches all
year long. Every fourth grader can tell you that Benjamin Franklin
was particularly fond of the wild turkey, and even campaigned to
make it, and not the bald eagle, the national symbol. So how did
such a creature end up taking its name from a medium sized country
in the Middle East? Was it just a coincidence? I wondered.

The next day I mentioned my musings to my landlord, whose wife is
from Brazil. "That's funny," he said, "In Portuguese the word for
turkey is `peru.' Same bird, different country." Hmm.

With my curiosity piqued, I decided to go straight to the source.
That very afternoon I found myself a Turk and asked him how to say
turkey in Turkish. "Turkey?" he said. "Well, we call
turkeys `hindi,' which means, you know, from India." India? This was
getting weird.

I spent the next few days finding out the word for turkey in as many
languages as I could think of, and the more I found out, the weirder
things got. In Arabic, for instance, the word for turkey
is "Ethiopian bird," while in Greek it is "gallapoula" or "French
girl." The Persians, meanwhile, call them "buchalamun" which means,
appropriately enough, "chameleon."

In Italian, on the other hand, the word for turkey is "tacchino"
which, my Italian relatives assured me, means nothing but the
bird. "But," they added, "it reminds us of something else. In Italy
we call corn, which as everybody knows comes from America, `grano
turco,' or `Turkish grain.'" So here we were back to Turkey again!
And as if things weren't already confusing enough, a further
consultation with my Turkish informant revealed that the Turks call
corn "misir" which is also their word for Egypt!

By this point, things were clearly getting out of hand. But I
persevered nonetheless, and just as I was about to give up hope, a
pattern finally seemed to emerge from this bewildering labyrinth. In
French, it turns out, the word for turkey is "dinde," meaning "from
India," just like in Turkish. The words in both German and Russian
had similar meanings, so I was clearly on to something. The key, I
reasoned, was to find out what turkeys are called in India, so I
called up my high school friend's wife, who is from an old Bengali
family, and popped her the question.

"Oh," she said, "We don't have turkeys in India. They come from
America. Everybody knows that."

"Yes," I insisted, "but what do you call them?"

"Well, we don't have them!" she said. She wasn't being very helpful.
Still, I persisted:

"Look, you must have a word for them. Say you were watching an
American movie translated from English and the actors were all
talking about turkeys. What would they say?"

"Well...I suppose in that case they would just say the American
word, `turkey.' Like I said, we don't have them."

So there I was, at a dead end. I began to realize only too late that
I had unwittingly stumbled upon a problem whose solution lay far
beyond the capacity of my own limited resources. Obviously I needed
serious professional assistance. So the next morning I scheduled an
appointment with Prof. ªinasi Tekin of Harvard University, a world-
renowned philologist and expert on Turkic languages. If anyone could
help me, I figured it would be Professor Tekin.

As I walked into his office on the following Tuesday, I knew I would
not be disappointed. Prof. Tekin had a wizened, grandfatherly face,
a white, bushy, knowledgeable beard, and was surrounded by stack
upon stack of just the sort of hefty, authoritative books which were
sure to contain a solution to my vexing Turkish mystery. I
introduced myself, sat down, and eagerly awaited a dose of Prof.
Tekin's erudition.

"You see," he said, "In the Turkish countryside there is a kind of
bird, which is called a çulluk. It looks like a turkey but it is
much smaller, and its meat is very delicious. Long before the
discovery of America, English merchants had already discovered the
delicious çulluk, and began exporting it back to England, where it
became very popular, and was known as a `Turkey bird' or simply
a `turkey.' Then, when the English came to America, they mistook the
birds here for çulluks, and so they began calling them `turkey"
also. But other peoples weren't so easily fooled. They knew that
these new birds came from America, and so they called them things
like `India birds,' `Peruvian birds,' or `Ethiopian birds.' You
see, `India,' `Peru' and `Ethiopia' were all common names for the
New World in the early centuries, both because people had a hazier
understanding of geography, and because it took a while for the
name `America' to catch on.

"Anyway, since that time Americans have begun exporting their birds
everywhere, and even in Turkey people have started eating them, and
have forgotten all about their delicious çulluk. This is a shame,
because çulluk meat is really much, much tastier."

Prof. Tekin seemed genuinely sad as he explained all this to me. I
did my best to comfort him, and tried to express my regret at
hearing of the unfairly cruel fate of the delicious çulluk. Deep
down, however, I was ecstatic. I finally had a solution to this
holiday problem, and knew I would be able once again to enjoy the
main course of my traditional Thanksgiving dinner without
reservation.

Now if I could just figure out why they call those little teeny dogs
Chihuahuas...

(Kaynak/Source:TED Ankara Kolej 64-69Mezunları yazışma Grubu)

Bush and The Queen

George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,
"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there
any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to
answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony
Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and
father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick
Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a
child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on
that one."

Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give
him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognises Colin
Powell's shoes in the next stall.

Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"

Cheney goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush. "Say, I
did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin
Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into
his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

diplomat....

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you'll look forward to it.

witness

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked: "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded: "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied,
"Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defence attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?

So what is behind the story?
Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Strangers in the night...

romantizm... Frank Sinatra...

http://www.beecy.net/frank/

Love strategy
I have been thinking about love! I first came across the love strategy with Anthony Robbins at his first UK Unleash the Power Within seminar many years ago. Then it appeared again with Michael Grinder. I strongly recommend it not only for communication between lovers, parents and children but also in the workplace.
The love strategy is about how you give and receive motivational feedback. Think about an occasion when someone said or did something that made you feel good.
• Was it an action?
• Was it a word or phrase?
• Was it a tone of voice
• Was it a touch?
If you would like to receive such communication in the future, then perhaps it would be useful to tell others what happened and how it made you feel. Is your response very specific, or would similar actions, words, tones or touches be equally effective?
Now that you have explained to others what works for you, then find out what works for them. Perhaps they have never thought about it; in which case you are helping them to improve the quality of their life.
It might not be appropriate to ask someone specifically about their 'love strategy'; in which case you should observe how they react in different circumstances.
The love strategy is a sophisticated version of metaprograms. Some people respond best to receiving feedback or compliments by visual (including gifts), auditory or kinaesthetic means. Some people prefer lots of attention (stroking); others are more self referenced and get their motivation from knowing that they are doing well. Some like to achieve targets; others like to avoid failures.
There is no 'one rule' for motivation. However, there is a 'simple rule': find out what someone appreciates and give it to them.
Source- Newsletter: http://www.brefigroup.co.uk/newsletter.html

Pink curtains

A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains.
He showed her several patterns, but the blonde seemed to be having a
hard time choosing.
Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains
she needed. The blonde replies,
"Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches??", asked the salesman, "that sounds very small. What room are they for?"
The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains."
The blonde says," Hellooooooooo - I've got Windows."

Links to be happy....

http://www.hovedtotal.com/media/happy.swf

http://www.riversongs.net/flas1/beautiful.html

PASS THE BALL
1. A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

2. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names..
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

3. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party..
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
4. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

5. A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

6. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

7. A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

8. A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

9. A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

10. A simple friend reads this e-mail and deletes it.
A real friend passes it on and sends it back to you!

11. Also, a simple friend will bail you out of jail.
A Real Friend will be sitting beside you in the cell asking "That was fun, huh?"

Pass this on to anyone you care about......if you get it back you have no beginning, no end. It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a
friend to you.....

21st Century - Lifelessness !!

Our communication - Wireless
Our business - Cashless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our commitment - Aimless
Our poor - Voiceless
Our life - Meaningless
(Finally, Our existence - Useless????)

Robotic Bartender

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only
dispense drinks flawlessly, but also -- like any good bartender --
engage in appropriate conversation. A man enters the bar, orders a
drink. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks
him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "150."
And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics,
string theory, atomic chemistry, etc.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around,
and comes back in for another drink.
Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "100." And immediately the robot starts talking, but
this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot
one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him and asks, "What's
your IQ?"
The man replies, "50."
And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"

A new site

Daily News about Turkey from World Media

www.turkishdigest.com

http://www.turkishdigest.com/

Obsession!!!
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four
young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions",he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name,Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by
the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

build a better bush
http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/buildabetterbush.htm

Yossel Zelkovitz

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle packing factory. For many years he had a powerful urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable
to dismiss the thought he sought professional help.
After six monthly sessions, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would never have peace of mind.
Several days later, Yossel came home from work very early. His wife Sarah became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.
Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in
the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that he finally went ahead,
did it and ad just been fired from his job.
Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants nd boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.
Looking up she said, "Yossel, I don't understand. What happened with
the pickle slicer?"
Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."

Baby planes

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago . The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, " If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendent. So the boy asked the flight attendent, "If big dogs
have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendent responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes she did."
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to
you."

Think About It from the Year 1904....
Hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for
1904: *The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years. *Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub. *Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
*A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
*There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
*Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st
most populous state in the Union.
*The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
*The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour. The average U.S worker made between $200 and $400per year.
*A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical
engineer about $5,000 per year. *More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
*Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college
education. Instead, they attended medical schools,many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
*Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were ! fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
*Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
*Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
*The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
*The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma,New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
*The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
*Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
*There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
*Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
*Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to
one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and
bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
*Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
*There were only about 230 reported murders in the
entire U..S.
... And I forwarded this from someone else without
typing it myself, and sent it to all of you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years .. it staggers the mind.

BUSH GETS CODED MESSAGE FROM SADDAM

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Saddam is still alive',Saddam decides to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him
know that he is still in the game.
Bush opens the letter and sees only a coded message: "370HSSV-0773H".
He can't figure it out, so he asks Karl Rove.
Rove suggests that the head of the CIA would certainly understand code,so Bush sends it to George Tenet. Tenet, however, can't figure it out,
either. He suggests, "How about Condi? She has a doctorate, that means she's smart."
But Dr. Rice is baffled, too. As Bush is pondering the mysterious message lying on the desk before him, Colin Powell enters the Oval
Office. When he sees the paper and reads what is written on it, he asks, "Sir, where did that come from?"
Bush replies testily, "Supposedly it's a message from Saddam. But what the hell does '370HSSV-0773H' mean?"
Powell clears his throat and replies, "Mr. President, I think you've been looking at the message upside down."

Monthly Bulleting- 04 October 2004 Monday - No :11

2005-07-25T21:10:00.000+03:00

Special thanks to our readers/friends for submitting this bulletings’s jokes and essays.
Marek PENZO
TED Ank.K.64-69Yzş.Gr.
Çelik CESUROĞLU
Haluk AKDEMİR
Oktay KIZILKAYA
Vedat SAYINSOY
Gökhan ŞAHİN
Hande TARİKAHYA

(CW)CopyWrong Kırımhan-2004.All rigts pre-reserved,only for VIP... Reproduction in whole or in part with or without the permission of the CopyWrong owner is prohibited.(Yeah,but feel free to forward it to your friends)
Communication e-mail adress:
kirimhanakinci@kablonet.com.tr

The content of this English Version are just taken from the Turkish Daily Bulletins as they were(in English also).

Vision: To become an International Bulletin..
Mission: Let my fame is known by the whole world....( Forward as much as people you can......)
Ethic : Pls.just write a short e-mail stating that you want to unsubscribe if you don’t want to receive this Bulletin.

CHAT SESSION

-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no..... male or female?
-Male, female...... sometimes camel.......
-------------------------------

"Things are not always what they seem".
Levis Bluejeans’ Zippers have a stamp YKK on them.....
Q: What does "YKK" stand for?

A: YKK was founded in Japan as a zipper manufacturing company in 1934 by Tadao (pronounced in English as Tah-dah-o) Yoshida. In the early years, Mr. Yoshida's company carried his name; it was called
Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha -- or "YKK" for short. (That long
Japanese name translates roughly into English as "Yoshida Company Limited.") Over the years, the letters "YKK" were stamped onto the zippers' pull tabs, and thus YKK became known as the Company's
trademark. Aside from zippers, YKK also makes other fastening
products--like hook & loop self-closing tape fastening systems,
webbings, and metal and plastic notions and buckles. YKK also
produces aluminum building products--like window and entrance systems for low, medium, and high rise applications. Today, YKK
Corporation has 251 plants and offices in 60 countries around the world.

In hell

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink
till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"
"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.
You into drugs?"
The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do
all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Wow, the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I
never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The demon said, "You gay?"
"No.????"
"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR
The Latest Poll
By LEE KALCHEIM Published: September 7, 2004(from New York Times today :)
60 percent of households that fly flags think America can do no wrong 26percent of the time.
•70 percent of women who think Mr. Bush is more likeable than their husbands prefer John Kerry.
•52 percent of people with wall-to-wall carpeting dislike Mr. Bush's plan for redecorating Iraq.
•98 percent of people who are hearing-impaired like 50 percent of what theyhear from Mr. Bush.
•100 percent of Spanish-American War veterans are dead.
•98 percent of World War I veterans can't remember the name of either candidate. Both prefer Coolidge.
•43 percent of women think Mr. Bush has more presidential hair. 26 percent think John Edwards has more vice presidential hair. 47 percent think Mr.Edwards has more presidential hair and 26 percent think Mr. Kerry has more vice presidential hair. 92 percent think Dick Cheney has no hair. 73 percent think Mr. Bush's hair is irrelevant. 54 percent think Mr. Bush is irrelevant.
•76 percent of women think Teresa Heinz Kerry colors her hair. 53 percent of those women would prefer a different color. 42 percent would prefer a different first lady.One-half of all Jewish mothers like one-half of Mr. Kerry.
•63 percent of single women over 50 think John Kerry is too tall for his own good. 71 percent of divorced women say George Bush would be an ideal ex-husband.50 percent of the electorate think that polls are misleading, inaccurate and inconclusive. The other 50 percent agree 30 percent of the time with 40 percent of the results.
Lee Kalcheim is a writer for television and theater whose most recent playis "Defiled."

CORPORATE LESSON no.4

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says
" I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on. "After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about this, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower " Who was that? "
"It was Bob the next door neighbour"she replies.
"Great", the husband says,"Did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me? "

Moral Of The Story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

ACTUAL LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS

1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
2. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
3. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off."
4. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
5. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
6. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
7. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

Guys Rules - Girls, please read these carefully

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Captain Cook did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"we will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh!!

Windows Symphony

http://www.geocities.com/clownstaples/swf/winnoise.html

The Pond

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, Horseshoe courts,and
some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to
the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and quick thinking will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time!!!

Only at Walmart

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes
ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering i f the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a
stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!!!

Smile...

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive, at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:
"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile", the Germans says unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 perzons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one on me!",replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!"
"Maaa sorry", responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno !...

How to Keep a Woman Happy"

It's not difficult.
To keep a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :

1. Give him lots of sex
2. Feed him well
3. Let him have the remote control
4. Leave him in peace

WOMEN'S DICTIONARY

40-ish ;.....49
Adventurous;Slept with everyone
Athletic;...No tits
Average looking;.Ugly
Beautiful;Pathological liar
Contagious Smile;Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure;On medication
Feminist;...Fat
Free spirit;..Junkie
Friendship first;Former slut
Fun;.........Annoying
New-Age;Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded;Desperate
Outgoing;Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate;Sloppy drunk
Professional;B i t c h
Voluptuous;Very Fat
Large frame;Hugely Fat

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?

MEN'S ENGLISH / DICTIONARY

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Weekly Bulleting- 30 August 2004 Monday - No : 10

2005-07-25T21:00:00.000+03:00

Special thanks to our readers/friends for submitting this bulletings’s jokes and essays.
Cihan AKINCI
Marek PENZO
(CW)CopyWrong Kırımhan-2004.All rigts pre-reserved,only for VIP... Reproduction in whole or in part with or without the permission of the CopyWrong owner is prohibited.(Yeah,but feel free to forward it to your friends)
Communication e-mail adress:
kirimhanakinci@kablonet.com.tr

The content of this English Version are just taken from the Turkish Daily Bulletins as they were(in English also).

Vision: To become an International Bulletin..
Mission: Let my fame is known by the whole world....( Forward as much as people you can......)
Ethic : Pls.just write a short e-mail stating that you want to unsubscribe if you don’t want to receive this Bulletin.

BAD LANGUAGE

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".

"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."