Chinese Detective

Sent by: Tuğrul UTKU

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous
Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities
that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.

He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree - look in window.

He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.

He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree...,

not see.
No fee.

Jokes and fun

Source: AECM Archieves...

Crocodile Dundee...

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australians to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous. Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, a genuine Crocodile Dundee.
He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air.
The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around. "Dundee," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?"
Crocodile Dundee replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
"Goddammit man, how do you know all that?" asked one.
Crocodile Dundee replied, "I fell out of the f ..ker about a half hour ago."

Solution for the Airlines

Replace all female flight attendants with good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues.
Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

Why accountants are important

Along with reflecting on the past century of public accounting there is a list of 24 reasons why someone would want to be a CPA (or accountant). Some of them are worth sharing, as follows.
1. We get to work the standard 70 hour week.
2. Our debits always equal are credits. (go explain that one)
3. Mom wanted us to be a rock star and this was our way to rebel.
4. The Red Sox wouldn't meet our salary demand.
5. All the free pencils we want.
6. In Scrabble, Accountant is worth 14 points while Doctor is worth only 9 and a Lawyer is 12. go figure!
7. We got to experience the five seasons, summer, winter, fall, spring & TAX! 8. A new IRS (Tax Office) form gives us the chills - MANY TIMES A FEVER TOO.
9. No other profession offers April 16th as a paid holiday.
AND LASTLY
1O. Nobody gets an Academy Award (Oscar) until we say so.

quote

"The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother."... ... Evan Esar.

MS - Internet

"con" FOLDER

An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere named as "con".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable... At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened! Try it out yourself...

EarthCalendar

http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php

Ramadan The month of fasting

Ramadan The month of fasting

by Holly Hartman

Source: http://www.factmonster.com/spot/ramadan1.html

For more than a billion Muslims, Ramadan is a time of prayer, fasting, and charity.
Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. Islam uses a lunar calendar—that is, each month begins with the sighting of the new moon. Because the lunar calendar is about 11 days shorter than the solar calendar used elsewhere, Islamic holidays "move" each year. In 2005 Ramadan will begin on Oct. 5.
For more than a billion Muslims around the world—including some 8 million in North America—Ramadan is a "month of blessing" marked by prayer, fasting, and charity. This year Ramadan precedes Christmas and Hanukkah. But while in many places these holidays have become widely commercialized, Ramadan retains its focus on self-sacrifice and devotion to Allah (God).

Why this Month?
Muslims believe that during the month of Ramadan, Allah revealed the first verses of the Qur'an, the holy book of Islam. Around 610 A.D., a caravan trader named Muhammad took to wandering the desert near Mecca (in today's Saudi Arabia) while thinking about his faith. One night a voice called to him from the night sky. It was the angel Gabriel, who told Muhammad he had been chosen to receive the word of Allah. In the days that followed, Muhammad found himself speaking the verses that would be transcribed as the Qur'an.
At many mosques during Ramadan, about one thirtieth of the Qur'an is recited each night in prayers known as tarawih. In this way, by the end of the month the complete scripture will have been recited.

Fasting
Muslims practice sawm, or fasting, for the entire month of Ramadan. This means that they may eat or drink nothing, including water, while the sun shines. Fasting is one of the Five Pillars (duties) of Islam. As with other Islamic duties, all able Muslims take part in sawm from about age twelve.
During Ramadan in the Muslim world, most restaurants are closed during the daylight hours. Families get up early for suhoor, a meal eaten before the sun rises. After the sun sets, the fast is broken with a meal known as iftar. Iftar usually begins with dates and sweet drinks that provide a quick energy boost.
Fasting serves many purposes. While they are hungry and thirsty, Muslims are reminded of the suffering of the poor. Fasting is also an opportunity to practice self-control and to cleanse the body and mind. And in this most sacred month, fasting helps Muslims feel the peace that comes from spiritual devotion as well as kinship with fellow believers.

Eid al-Fitr
Ramadan ends with the festival of Eid al-Fitr, which in 2005 occurs on November 4. Literally the "Festival of Breaking the Fast," Eid al-Fitr is one of the two most important Islamic celebrations (the other occurs after the Hajj, or pilgrimage to Mecca). At Eid al-Fitr people dress in their finest clothes, adorn their homes with lights and decorations, give treats to children, and enjoy visits with friends and family.
A sense of generosity and gratitude colors these festivities. Although charity and good deeds are always important in Islam, they have special significance at the end of Ramadan. As the month draws to a close, Muslims are obligated to share their blessings by feeding the poor and making contributions to mosques.

EXTERNAL LINKS
Islamic Studies, University of Georgia http://www.arches.uga.edu/~godlas/home.html
Religion: Islam—Understanding Islam http://www.beliefnet.com/index/index_40118.html
Religious Tolerance.org http://www.religioustolerance.org/islam.htm
University: U.S.—Islamic Issues: Council on American—Islamic Relations http://www.cair-net.org/

For more on Islamic history and culture, see the Islam Primer ;
http://www.factmonster.com/spot/islam.html

funny

(Sent by : Marek PENZO)

funny

(((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul "

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down

on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout

to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh no!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared

and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it.He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??.....Is this 486-5731?

'Isn't There Anyone' to Help Pakistan?

'Isn't There Anyone' to Help Pakistan?
Published: Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Source:zaman.com

As the entire world rushes to help Pakistan recover following the major earthquake measuring 7.6 in magnitude, non-government organizations (NGOs) in Turkey have also sped up their relief efforts. “Kimse Yok mu” (Isn’t There Anyone) Foundation known for its aid campaigns for the poor in Turkey made the call for Pakistan: “Isn’t there anyone to help?” Officials from the Foundation said they have launched a relief fund with the permission of Turkish Interior Ministry and promised that donations collected would be forwarded to aid disaster victims as soon as possible. The Foundation launched its first international relief effort following the tsunami disaster in South Asia. Kimse Yok mu Foundation head Mehmet Ozkara said they would like to collect cash donations that can be made into bank accounts in order to reach the earthquake-hit area in the shortest possible time. Their teams in the disaster struck regions have been informing them about urgent needs he informed. “We shall obtain a list of the needs from the places closest to the quake hit region.” Indicating that transporting donations of food and basic goods to the disaster area is expensive and leads to lost time, Ozkara said obtaining the most urgent basic needs from in and around Pakistan would be easier to transport to the earthquake hit regions. Following are bank account numbers accepting donations on behalf of the Foundation for Pakistan: Asya Finans Umraniye Branch: New Turkish lira (YTL): 21- 214177 - 20. Dollar: 21 - 214177 - 21. Euro: 21 - 214177 - 22. Is Bankasi (Bank) Umraniye Branch: YTL: 1060 - 1434862. Dollar: 1060 - 1252342. Euro: 1060 - 1252357 Ziraat Bankasi (Bank) Uskudar Branch: YTL: 403 - 5382203 - 5006. Dollar: 403 - 5382203 - 5007. Euro: 403 - 5382203 - 5008.

Attila Ilhan.....

Turkish Author Attila Ilhan Passes Away

ISTANBUL - Prominent Turkish author and poet Attila Ilhan, who passed away last night in Istanbul at the age of 80, served Turkish literature more than 50 years. Ilhan was born in Menemen town of western city of Izmir in 1925. He stayed in prison for 2 months for his letters about Turkish poet Nazim Hikmet in 1941. He attended school again in Istanbul Isik College in 1944. Ilhan won a prize with his poem ''Cebbaroglu Mehemmed'' while he was studying third and last grade in college. He published his first poem book 'Duvar' (The Wall) in 1948. In 1949, while he was in Istanbul University Law Faculty, he went to Paris to support 'operation to rescue Nazim Hikmet'. He left the university in senior year when he became journalist. In 1953, he wrote critics on cinema in Vatan newspaper. He moved to Ankara when he became adviser to Bilgi Publishing House in 1973. He lived in Ankara until 1981 and then he moved to Istanbul. He worked at Milliyet, Gunes and Meydan newspapers as well as Gelisim Press. Ilhan worked at Cumhuriyet newspaper as a columnist since 1996

Source: http://www.turkishpress.com/ Published: 10/11/2005

ISTANBUL ' S beauties....

A Definition and a Quote

Management in 16 words

Urgent & important: you do

Urgent & unimportant : you delegate

Important & non-urgent: you schedule

Non-urgent & Unimportant: you ignore

"Real jazz has always been a man telling the truth about himself."

Quincy Jones

Teachers and Students

Teachers and Students (Send By: Atilla ÖZYEĞEN)

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

___________
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

_________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

_____________________
TEACHER: Guss, why do you always get so dirty?
GUSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_____________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

__________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

At Night

Do you know what happens
when you shut-down your PC?

Click-http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.swf

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce
the complete works of Shakespeare;
now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky

Source:GOOGLE

Websites for you....

Today’s Front Page                                                                   
This web site gives you access to
443 newspapers front pages from
42 countries in the world.
It can be interesting if you are
working on comparing approaches
to events in different countries
and also the way the press deals
with or manipulates information.

http://www.newseum.org/
todaysfrontpages/flash/ 

What Has Europe Done for Us?

In times of trouble, people talk and think a
lot about Europe.
This small web site is only in English
(written and sound).
Three characters try to give their view
and answer the question
what has Europe ever done for us?.

http://www.whathaseuropedone.org/

The Nobel Prize Web Site

The Nobel Prize an international award
given yearly since 1901 for achievements
in physics, chemistry, medicine,

literature and for peace. In 1968, the
Bank of Sweden instituted the Prize in
Economic Sciences in Memory of
Alfred Nobel, founder of the Nobel Prize.

The Prize Winners are announced in
October every year.  
The web site offers information and articles
about the winners in all categories.
A large part of the content isdedicated to
education and teachers.

Peace

http://nobelprize.org/peace/educational/index.html

Literature

http://nobelprize.org/literature/educational/index.html

Economics

http://nobelprize.org/economics/educational/index.html

Who cares about Europe ?

Note : To read easily, right click on the image.Than click to
"Open Link Target in IE " and zoom.

A Guide to Life

If life came with a user’s manual, it might look something like this:
1. You have received a body. It will be yours for the duration of your stay this time around. You may or may not like it, but it is yours.
2. Pay attention to the lessons to be learned. You are enrolled in a school that is full time and informal – it is called life. In your school, you will have chances to learn lessons. You are free to like the lessons or think that they are very stupid.
3. Keep in mind that there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned. You will be involved with a process of trial and error, and this process will, with luck, insight growth. The “failures” you experience will be as much a part of your process as the parts of your life that “succeed.”
4. You will repeat the same lesson, in its various forms, until it is learned. Then you will be free to go on to the next lesson.
5. Your learning in life is never over. As long as you are alive, there are lessons to be learned. There is no part of life that does not contain a lesson for you.
6. Places other than where you are will always look better to you, but this is a trick of the mind. It is never better to be other than what and where you are at the time. But it will always feel like you should be someplace else or something else in order to find “happiness.”
7. Your fellow beings are merely reflections of you. Whatever you love or hate about them is exactly what you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of life is up to you. You have everything you need to live life. What you do and how you live is up to you.
9. The answers to life’s questions are within you. You just need to listen and trust your inner knowledge.
10. You will forget that you have been told all of this
Source: http://www.trainingbuz.com/